waste of time

i dont need every last one of you

i can fit all your worth into the capsule i take everyday to shut the fucking dogs up that are barking in my head

swallow your fucking tongue 

do whatever you have to do to shut the fuck up

you dont ever know what your talking about

and the sound of your voice is enough to make me drive nails in my ears

nothing is worth the effort and everything is a complete waste of time

the wound's never serious until the flys begin to swarm

its time to face the light and end the fucking charade

theres never gonna be anything happening in your life

nothings gonna break. your not gonna wake up with a new purpose for living

you might as well practice getting used to lying down

because i can hear them outside chipping rocks, moving earth, and digging your grave

face it, your bored, and your boring

its time to point the finger in the right direction

go see your parents and give them the beating they deserve for bringing us into this life

Continue reading →

you are a bad person, and everyone hates you

im gonna hang you from your neck by a rope if its the last thing i can do

this world is in need of a purging and you will never do anyone any good

your a cancer on this city

nobody wants you around

so i'll just take you out quietly while everyone is sleeping

just a gentle stick in the neck and then let you fall off a bridge

into the water to float with the algae and fish

now youre feeding something

its the first time you've had a purpose in so long

it would almost make you feel good if you were alive

but this hasnt happened

you are still alive

you are still flapping your gums and coughing your sickness all over everything

sooner or later everyone ends up done with you

its just the way it goes for people like you

youre not to be trusted

cant befriend someone who you cant trust

so what does that leave you

it makes you lonely doesnt it

cant get youre shit together so you take it out on everyone else

sure, people are around when the beer is flowing, and the coke is on the mirror

yea, those are your friends

those people will be around when its all over with

this is your life that you have carved out for yourself

and you hate yourself for it

but you cant stop it now because you are too far in it

and it would be too embarrassing for you to turn around now

so you keep going

feeling like a lonely warrior

youre not a warrior

youre pathetic

youre a black sheep

youre the scarlet letter

you are the person in the room that everyone smiles at and is nice to, but really doesnt want to be around

people are just civil to you cause they dont want to be on your bad side

you are the bottom of the barrell

the little man who wishes that he could be big so that no one can make him feel small and weak

the napoleon complex in the flesh

you are a model for confusion

the poster child for self dillusion

and everyone hates you

because of who you are

you are a bad person

and everyone hates you

Continue reading →

you are wrong on this

do not dictate to me

i cannot be moved and i will not be argued with

my passions have been run through with a fine tooth comb all by myself

and there is nothing you could find in it that i didnt

so dont attempt to tell me things like i dont know what im talking about

i wont be strong armed

i refuse to let your fear interupt my life and the things that i love

you live in your fear

i conquer mine

i wont apologize for being on the other side of the line

i wish you could come with me, but you refuse to let go

thats fine with me

this is a you problem

not a me problem

even though we are in this together

there is still a fine distinction between your shit and my shit

so dont try to guilt me by telling me you thought you could get support on this

i dont support idiocy and i dont have patience for foolishness

you cant reverse the topic on me and that frustrates you

you pull out all the stops too

you always told me i was better than you

and i humbly brushed it off

but now its clear

i am better than you

and you will not get anything past me

sit down and shut up

you are wrong on this

Continue reading →

you feel the end in your chest

the end is comes on hard

and you can feel it in your chest

like someone just took all the air out of you

someone took your love and threw it right back at you

all those feelings you thought you never had

you saw it in other people 

and wondered what was wrong with you

you were so proud of yourself when you finally found it

buried beneath the mental illness and scars of childhood

it took a good year to unearth it all

and now its out, and raw, like a fresh nerve

but then the feeling pulls out of the air around you

you watch them walk away

the feeling tied tight around their waist

and the farther they go, the more it hurts

then it starts in your stomach

 and you cant curl up tight enough to make it stop

this is the story of all junkies

this is the line in the sand

it hurts too much to breathe in lonely air

Continue reading →

i want to destroy the old social norms
i want to rebuild everything 
right down to the very perception of the idea itself
i want to demystify the preciousness of human life
i want to throw babies off cliffs
i want to breathe in smoke
and removing pieces of skin
i want to end family ties
i want everything to be uncomfortable and shitty
and i just want to stand in the middle of it all
and piss on the ground


i am so sick of everyone taking things out on each other
im tired of fools who dont deal with their problems
those that would rather run away 
than address the problem
those are the people that should be kept in cages
those are the ones who should be persecuted
the holocaust was misdirected


cancer is a microcosm of the human race
think about it


people feel shitty about themselves
so they deflect their shitty attitudes onto other people
and sometimes family can be cancerous
its a lot like your left arm
you need it, you like it, it functions
but if its cancerous its gotta come off


it hurts, you go through grief over it
you adapt and move on
i am removing the cancer from my life
and im never looking back Continue reading →

chalk roses on cracked pavement

a little girl draws roses in chalk outside my window

she doesnt know that the world is such an ugly place

i remember the fall from innocence

like a fall from 4 stories 

and smacking on the concrete

and its all pain and ache from then on

i see numb in everyones eyes

anything for a bargain

the truth is to tender to look at

so they all just ignore it and try to move on

living life as best as possible with their legs broken behind them

were only steps away from bleeding to death

somewhere an old man dies alone

and i am jealous of him

cause i wish it was me 

i wish it was me

i see fear in everyones eyes

so i dont look at peoples eyes anymore

you get used to the ache

sometimes take a poor mans vacation

and come back to the wreckage the next day

i lay down at night

and hope i dont wake up again

its a fantasy ive had since i was a child

id love to not wake up again

it could be a worse way to die

life is a waste

its written into the contract

its in the dna

life is a waste

Continue reading →

sad art for cowards

writing is for cowards

and cowards we are

we put the pen to the paper

because we cant deal with real life

people like to think its deep and introspective

its ugly and sad

and thats the hard truth

don't puff up these fucking tortured idiots

you are just furthering their dysfunction

by giving it a name

and giving it meaning

we encourage people to express themselves

in juvenile ways

which is why everyone has a hard time growing up

put the puppets on display

wrap a collar on them that says "tortured artist"

and watch everyone gawk and frown

and put their hands to their hearts as if they understand

you don't fucking understand

you are nowhere near understanding

you don't ever even want to understand

cause to understand is to live it

its to go in deep and really feel what made that beautiful piece of art

its ugly, its real, and it leave scars

so while you sit in your coffee shop

on your laptop, drinking in the morning

admiring that piece of art

or that poem

know that the person who made it hates you

and made it to stand against you

but also know

that these pieces of art you are admiring

is a bi-product

thats all it is

waste

you are gawking at my waste

my shit

the bi-product of my depression

and sick, twisted self hatred

you analyze it and talk to your peers about it

all i see is a turd

and big brown piece of shit

and every one of you has your face so close to it

or your playing it on your headphones

really feeling it

really getting emotional to it

its still shit

its still a bi-product

its still something i threw up 

it came out of me cause it had to

cause my body rejected it

my mind rejected it

needed to get it out

and you love it

i am selling you my bi-products

next time just open up your hands

so i can puke right into them

i've got free time

i hate that you consider it beautiful

i hate that you consider it art

i hate that you feel an emotion when listening to my song

it wasn't made for you

it was made for me

and you are feeding off of me

like a goddamn leech

and you always want more

so when you want more

i give

i torture myself

i rip open my own chest and dig

all for art

that you can enjoy

cause i guess a smiling face is worth it

i guess this is what i have to do for a little understanding

cause i cant just come out and say it

i cant just deal with reality

no, i have to stir it up into weird frequencies and colors

and give it to you ever way but straight

make no mistake

it might be good music

it might be a nice painting

but its still only the work of some damaged individual 

who cant cope

theres nothing beautiful about it

its fucking sad

call it what it is

its fucking sad

Continue reading →

shauny boy

stir up nostalgia

like dragging a stick through a puddle

and watching the sediment rise and fall

thats all we have left

you're gone

and you have been so for 5 years

and we still have an imprint of you

you were the one who got off lucky in all of this

you got to go out with a bang

and all of us will probably go out with a whimper

you got to stir the pot

and not have to deal with the way it settles

you didn't have to see it

you didn't have to feel it

your nerve endings died off

you didn't feel a thing

you were heavily medicated anyway

you were gone within the construct of a sentence

you were there for one word, and gone the next

and thats all it was

we were left to feel the vacuum pull at our bones that was left by your absence

to have to face each other with tears in our eyes

and see sides of each other we never wanted to see or show

and we still talk about it

the scars are still purple

and it still reduces us to tears

if you were here you would be yelling at us

calling us jerks and telling us to knock it the fuck off

but you're not

so we do what comes natural without you

i like to think you're somewhere laughing at us

and flipping us the bird

or humping an image of us all sad and lonely

being the total ass and hilarious dick that you were

maybe i'll see you again, i cant say for certain

and it kills me

Continue reading →

forever doesnt exist

theres no such thing anymore as forever

and somebody else can do it better

when all that you hope for and all that you love

is all made of cardboard and isn't enough

nothing holds substance, its all an illusion

were planning our lives under one big delusion

theres nothing out there, it'll never feel right

when i lay my head down, im alone at night

go back to your houses, go dig your graves

because working and slavery are one in the same

you'll never reach the top with love in your heart

your fucked if you stop, and fucked if you start

we thicken our skin with the burdens on our backs

but emotional stability is something we will always lack

cause theres no such thing, were wired this way

to be miserable for any reason, given the right day

im tired of putting one foot in front of the other

and no man is kind enough to give to another

without expecting something back, what will you do for me

the one who lies the best can drain the most out of me

and im only here for you, and when im done throw me away

cause that is all there is too it, until my dying day

so you can turn the other cheek, think positive and hopeful

but i just think that you're a liar and the truth is hard to swallow

life isn't what you make, life is pointless and bleak

life is crawling on your knees for miles to try to get some sleep

and everything you put your heart into will always go away

and it'll hurt, and it'll sting until your old and gray

it doesn't get better, you're a bunch of fucking liars

don't sell me all your sympathies, your preaching to the choir

this is all that there is and its going down the drain

so put a bullet in that gun and point it right at my brain

put me out of my misery, im broken and lame

im a horse thats thrown a shoe, im a face without a name

i am every man who ever felt the weight shift on his back

cause im through with lying, the worlds about to crack

every man dies, and looks pathetic when he does it

the caskets just a courtesy, the worms will burrow through it

we all return to the earth, we all break down and rot

i hope my headstone doesn't say that i was something that im not

im no great man, no hero, nothing special in these veins

just a man full of sadness who cannot deal with the pain

so i write it all down, and give it pretty little rhythms 

to polish up my story, to fool you into something with them

oh my pathetic little words, watch a crippled man cry

i never had a happy ending, and i never said goodbye

Continue reading →

you remind me

your goddamn face

goddamn that face

you make me feel 

the way i don't want to feel

you remind me of how lonely i really am

you break down my walls

things i buried deep

you dug them up

and now they're in my sleep

Continue reading →

anxious times

anxious times, for no reason at all

when you just cant sit still

and you feel like theres something wrong

you try to put it out of your mind

move on and do something else

but you cant help but feeling

that somewhere else

something horrible is happening

and its gonna change things for you

for the worst

shallow breathing is still breathing

shallow breathing is not dead yet

stomach in knots

and bile in my veins

i trudge on

i keep going

the world doesn't got time

for anxious feelings

the train is leaving with or without you

so you suck it up

smack yourself a bit

and make those legs move, goddammit

one after another

deal with it later

that seems to be the motto for life in general, nowadays

deal with it later

Continue reading →

no surprise

its nothing new

and it changes nothing

not one palpitation in my chest

i have been through all of this before

back then it used to get to me

now, its just like breathing

i go through the motions

i look for treasures underneath the rubble

but everything shiny

it just a glare

there is nothing left under the sun

just little teasers

they used to get my hopes up

i don't have hopes anymore

i have no faith left in anything

and I'm just doing my time

till its ok for me to die

its more habit now than anything

to go through the motions

and continue on as if there's purpose

truth is, i haven't felt purpose in a long time

I'm not surprised by anything anymore

i wake up, i distract myself, i go to bed

same cycle ever day, every year

maybe i need a change

but i don't even want to try a change anymore

i don't really care

all life is pointless

all things are meaningless

and everyone lies to themselves everyday

trying to convince themselves that it isn't true

but those facts hang over your head

and they resurface every now and then

you cant keep the truth buried

you cant make a dead horse move

and we are all living in a dead fucking horse carcass

and its going nowhere

Continue reading →

waiting

i keep waiting for the end

and it never comes

all i want is for it all to be over

and everyday, another day

you have every reason to live

i don't care

i don't want reasons

i just want a warm place

to lay down

close my eyes

and slowly drift away

and not wake up again

we all just find distractions

we keep ourselves busy

dodging the hard evidence

that its all pointless

and you are all alone

you're alone in a room full of people

you're alone when she's cuddle next to you sleeping

none of this is real

none of this is permanent

and it will go away

faster than i can take it all in

it will leave before i am done with it

never satisfied

constantly thirsty

i feel as hollow now as the day i gained consciousness

this hole in my chest has been there

since as long as i can remember

and nothing has ever made me feel whole

theres no such thing as filling a void

i don't believe in love

i don't believe in god

and i go to sleep every night

alone

nothing changes

things just get more dismal

i just get more bitter

more cynical

i fake a smile

a play the role

go through the motions

make sure everyone isn't worrying about me too much

and every night i go to sleep alone

and every morning i wake up alone

because that is the way that it is

and that is a constant that will not change

i have never found anything worth living for

but i have a million reasons to die

and i've looked harder than most

there is nothing out there

stop that shit

stop fucking trying

just go about your business

the world is full of suckers willing to take you in

you can make a fine life feeding off people

Continue reading →

dead rotting deer carcass

stop asking me if im alright

when you know im not alright

you should know better than that

and the fact that you do

and that doesn't occur to you

makes me feel even worse

who the fuck are you

and where is the person i knew

is this what i can expect for the future

a lifetime of disappointments

and goodbyes

growing bitter by the hour

hating every single smile i see

you make your calls from the brighter side of the street

try a day in my shoes 

try an hour in my worst day

life lessons from degenerate swine

shitting on the little guy

to make yourself feel better

you jump from lap to lap

so that you don't have to figure out

how to do a goddamn thing for yourself

someone will always be around to take care of you

and you self inflict in private because of this fact

cut yourself when the doors are closed

when the layers are off

and the horror is real

and the mirror reflects the shit that you really are

you'll never pick away the bad in you

cause thats all there is left

and at the peak of it all

is the fact that destroys you

that all the books you read

and all the things you internalize

don't add up to shit

when you realize

you're just another pretty face

and thats all you are

getting nowhere with nothing

cause you want to be so much more than that

but you never figured out how to do a goddamn thing

for yourself

everyone you ever care about

will tire of you

and let you go for something better

because no one wants a future

with a mess like you

Continue reading →

character flaw

im always the one who's there in times of need

and you're always the one never there for me

but im foolish enough to love you

and let you walk all over me

you are not a good friend

you are a sad waste of my precious time

when all i want is to be important to you

when all i want is a little of your attention

but im only something to pass the time

im the person you turn to when the fun people are all busy

im taken for granted

always the third wheel

when im the one thats always been here

im the one around when everyone is gone

when your bullshit catches up to you

and everyone holds you at a distance

im the shoulder to cry on

im the comfort hug when you see your true face in the mirror

marked and ugly

full of lies and deceit

you are a walking, breathing character flaw

and you'll be cast out of everything you ever felt you belonged to

because of the shitty person that you are inside

and the shitty way you treat people

and there will come a day

when im the only one left

and i will kick you into the dirt when you are down

just to make sure you know that you have nothing

Continue reading →

reverse sexism

im a man

who has never hit a women

i was raised around women

i was raised by women

and taught nothing but violence

and when you preach to me about their beauty and grace

i cant help but wanna laugh in your face

cause they're no different 

and their nothing special

were just a bunch of fucked up people

with wasted potential

so im guilty of being born a man

who gets stared at for his size

who gets evil eyes from women

like im infected with lies

i never harmed a woman in my life

ive never talked down to a girl

ive never thought of myself superior

ive never felt like i owned this world

so don't give me all your shit

like you are more oppressed than me

but every woman in my life

has been terrible to me

but you don't hear me complaining

i still respect them all the same

were all just struggling along

don't assign me your blame

you don't have to blame a man

cause you've been treated unfair

were all just shitty people

with hatred in the air

yes i was born a man

i didn't have a choice

abused by women all my life

and now i finally have a voice

were just feeding the fire

when we try to find a way

to further separate ourselves

and pick the wound fresh everyday

i have never hated a woman

but i have definitely been afraid

a woman is just as capable of abuse

a woman is just as insane

im not convinced of your innocence

i see the bullshit in your eyes

yea you can fight your cause for women

but im a product of those lies

Continue reading →

she does not exist

and everywhere i look

every rock i turn

i find a pissed off little girl

mad at her father

who hates men

ive never done anything

never harmed a girl in my life

but i've had my share of girls

who fuck with my emotions

and ruin my life

theres plenty of fish

in a polluted sea

full of poison and spite

not one is worth it

pissed that the world doesn't revolve around them

fuck you forever

you miserable loathsome bitches

i don't need any of you

i've always been told to find the one

but she does not exist

Continue reading →

withered mother earth gives her children the cold shoulder

you don't know how it feels
and you don't really care

thats the problem we've had my whole life
my words mean nothing
my voice goes unheard

and the shallow walk around like they know something

i hear whispers from the side
yea, you know all about me
just another fucking kid
putting his nose where it doesn't belong

in this broken family you fend for yourself

our grandparents would be ashamed
that this is what you did to it
you don't fucking care about me
and thats the fucking point

im just there to use, to poke, to bend
a useful fucking tool

well i stand my ground
and i cast you out
you fucking leeches suck on someone else
i'll spend my time with people who give a shit
all the pick and pull, clawing away
you want me around to listen
not to be heard

well I'm a fucking person
and a smart one at that
and you could benefit from the things i have
to show you
but you don't want to know

i dont waste time with people
who don't value my opinion
you make me feel invalid
this family makes me feel suicidal
i have no foundation
no rock to turn to
cause you all crumble like sand
through my fingers
when all my life I've been
starved for one solid substance
something solid to stand on
and now i stand, tall and proud
and its not you
its not because of you
all of you have no hand in the molding of this man

this is why I'm bitter
this is why I feel nothing but emptiness
for you all Continue reading →

death to hearts

she puts my face down into the mud

presses her foot against the back of my neck

she lets me up for a minute

looks at me with worried eyes

and asks me "are you ok with this"

i tell her yes 

cause i dont want her to feel bad

but i am not ok with this

i dont want to be here

i dont want my face in this mud

but i cant stand to hurt her

i cant stand to see her struggle

with the fact that what shes doing

is affecting me in a negative way

this has become my life

getting my face pushed in mud

getting walked on

and trampled over

getting things that twinge my heart

paraded in front of my face

and all i can do is smile

and wait until it doesnt affect me anymore

wait until my heart finally dies

until theres nothing left to lose

and i dont care anymore

this is my lot in life

im not allowed to be the one 

to teach people not to hurt other people

im just the one who always gets hurt

cause im not willing to do the hurting

i will get walked on for the rest of my life

because i care too much

and i have too much faith in fantasies

my heart will one day die

and maybe when it does

i'll still be alive

to walk among the crowd

and not feel a goddamn thing

and not have to worry about

the people around me

the ones who tell me they care about me

so i wont have to care about them

i wont have to care about anybody

it just gets in the way

Continue reading →

cowardly fawn

im tired of this game
where we fence around each others spite
and you dodge responsibilty at all turns
you surround yourself with things
and people that tell you what your doing is ok
you believe your own lie
but youre not strong enough to build good walls
and were coming on through
i can see right through you
immersed in the lie
the truth is youre just a brat
and to admit that
would be to admit fault
but to admit fault
would be to admit the lie
and then the bricks come crashing
down on your head

youre not different
youre not unique
youre just like everyone else
you just wear brighter colors
this free spirit kick your on
is worn thin
youre just an asshole
who doesnt want to have to do anything
that would entail facing demons
and dealing with the depression

get off your fucking ass
youre not better than anyone else
and you have to suffer this
just like everyone else

i forsee abandonment in your future
when the lie catches up to you
and you have no one left to turn to
youre gonna lose it all
and im gonna watch

ive never known a bigger coward
and thats saying something Continue reading →

homewrecker

im gonna murder you with this knife in my back
and there isnt a goddamn thing you can do to avoid that
because you deserve it
you dont wreck somebodys home
just because you have nothing
you dont get to take from me
i see the game your playing

these wounds you opened on me
will be the death of you
i am not merciful
i will kick when youre down
lets be clear
i want you gone
erased from history
out of the picture
i want to slander your name
be the reason youre afraid to go anywhere alone
i want to be the pit in your stomach
the nightmares that wake you up
this will end badly for you

i want to smash that stupid fucking face
destroy your sense of pride
rape and invade the very heart of you
right down to your core
you take from me
i take even more from you

you will never again appear
attractive to anyone
visibly scarred for life
and made to walk in shame
you think you were alone before?
now you'll be alone forever
dieing alone
with the memory of it all
that you pushed one step too far
and crossed one line that shouldnt
have been crossed
played with fire
got burnt bad

its your fault
you asked for it all
your actions result
in consequences
i will tear your world apart
piece by worthless little piece
its become my new hobby
this shit is fun for me
to see you in pain
to see you regret it Continue reading →

dont rush

dont rush into telling someone that you love them
even if you do
that is a hurtful word
and when the love fades
that word falls on your head
taking all of the life out of the room

its not something you bounce back from easily
it gives definition to the absence
it makes you look around the room
and feel how truly empty it is

love isnt enough
it doesnt keep the interest
it doesnt stop them from finding something better
it doesnt keep them around

it only hurts more when they leave
when they say goodbye
when they tell you they will keep in touch
and never do
when you only get to see them
for a couple hours of the day
when you know what they are doing
when they are not with you

they've found something better than you
and even though you still mean a lot to them
everyone only looks out for themselves Continue reading →

scared little child

sometimes youre such a cliche that its disappointing
you throw words around
saying what you think you should say
to counter the things you've said
that you used to think you were supposed to say
always doing and thinking exactly how you think youre supposed to
never really knowing who or what you are
and blaming the world for it
the world never gave a shit about any of us
youre just a scared little child
with daddy issues
and a smug sense of going against the grain
being controversial doesnt make you a legend
everybody can tell that you say it
but you dont mean it
you dont really feel it
and admitting that is a war you never want to face
so yea, youre just a thing to someone
im sorry youre not special
im sorry that you dont count
but the gums keep flapping
and you are still nothing but talk
with no traction and the word "go" Continue reading →

left behind

she left me with a suddenness like whiplash
i never expected to hurt like this
i never expected she of all people would do this to me
you look for where to place the fault
but people have to follow their pathetic hearts
cause thats the way we are wired

you resent the reasons
you resent the result
every way out shines bright as the sun
escape seems like the best idea
but you cant turn and run
cause theres nowhere to go
except gone for good

you think about the people
the ones that say they love you
and how you cant do that to them
you cant interrupt their happiness
to pine over shit like you
to miss your stupid face
and the way you lie to them

she jumped ship with speed and accuracy
too fast to believe it wasnt planned
i am left with the void
with the throb of her abscence
weighing in my heart
pulling down each day
making everything a little less fun

we used to dream together
we built fantasies the likes ive never seen
entire dream worlds
where we were happy forever
then she quit the team
she brought me out
into this world i would never have gotten to alone
i would never have wanted to go to alone
and then she left me here
the only reason for me being here Continue reading →

anger management problems

my rage is a well oiled machine
its chrome shines and its teeth are bared
there isnt a scratch on it
it is flawless and strong
and willing to take on any foe

my rage is in peak physical condition
it breaths fire and is fuel by your fears
it knows no boundaries
it doesnt get cold
it doesnt feel heat
it doesnt listen to reason
and you cannot tell it to stop

my rage is a bull with horns
protecting an otherwise fragile creature
all it sees is red
and it wants the damage to happen
it wants everything to come crashing down around it
and to burn even the ashes
it breaks bones
chews through wood
it doesnt recognize loved ones or friends
everyone is a target

i keep it in a cage
wrapped in chains
with a big fucking lock
and still it can break through
with ease
it taunts me through the bars
laughs at my weakness
it tells me i need it
that it has gotten me this far
and everything i have
i owe to my rage

its the only lesson ive ever been taught
that i didnt learn was bullshit
its the only thing there for me
when everything else has gone away
it is the greatest weapon ive ever held
and it works every time
like a drug to numb the pain
it gets the job done
and it makes everything go away Continue reading →

the truth isnt worth it

feeling dead inside again
the stomach pains, a reminder
never do this again
ive never been good at listening to reason

somewhere she cries into her pillow
and i wish i could make her feel even worse
to strap her down and let out every bitter word
snap her sense of self worth
and break down everything she ever built up

bastards act in such ways
cowards only dream of it
the person i should be blaming
wont look at me in the mirror

the wind blows cold against the house
and it makes my bones ache
i pull the shades as the sun is coming
up over the horizon
in this dark i can hate myself
and not have to worry about being caught

im tired of living the truth
when everyone wants the lie
nothing feels like home
when youre the only one to admit it
the days fade into each other
more and more people turn away
and you are left alone with the truth

you fought tooth and nail for it
and you hold it like a crown
on your throne of nothing
with no one around
and you have to live with the fact
that it wasnt fucking worth it Continue reading →

suckers and cowards

the good people are so busy keeping everything in order
you can see the anxiety in their eyes
watch the sweat drip down their back
they deflect the things they don't like about themselves
onto innocent people, just minding their own business
trying to get by

this world is full of suckers and assholes
and I'm forced to sift through the debris
to find anything at all to stop the pounding boredom

this is all i was left with
those before me used it all up
they judge without mercy
and place titles on peoples heads
who judges the judges
who watches the watchers
and who feeds off the suckers

everyone is so convinced they got it right
i dont buy it
I'm just not impressed with your ways
it looks like shit to me
so forgive me if i don't drop my jaw
im sorry you had all your hopes up for this
but i don't like it
and i will not lie to you about it
like you would lie to me

everyone just lies to each other
like it will fix itself
you're all suckers and cowards Continue reading →

the vagrant dead

every face i see is dead to me
just one more fool to drive it home
and everyday it becomes more certain
that i am surrounded on all sides by idiots

my contempt grow hourly
the days drag on, nothing is solved
and idiots inherit the earth

I'm a simple man, i just want what i deserve
and the brainless are running the show
their strength is in numbers
and the law is on their side
cause i would kill them all

i fight for nothing, my cause is empty
and every thought is suppressed
but i am ok with standing against the current
while the sheep flock to their judas
and i see them all fall of the fucking cliff

they call me anti-social, they call me agoraphobe
and that may be true
but those phobias are based on fear
and i do not feel afraid

i only feel anger and disgust for people
i see them lie to each others faces
i see the numbness in their eyes
it only solidifies my decision to never walk among them
to never count myself as one of many Continue reading →

suburban guilt

its a cold, empty feeling
when you have to make an effort not to end yourself
you take the pills, but the pills don't work
they only buy you time
time runs out eventually

and you hear the people
they tell you its not worth it
you know they are probably right
but it doesn't stop the urge

from a heart that's sick of beating
and a brain that's sick of thinking
and the world looks bleaker everyday
the people in your life who you hold most dear
don't seem to change your mind one bit

cause they may care about you, but they dont
have to live your life
they don't have to wake up to the cynicism you feel everyday
there's only so much you can do
to try to stoke the fire
to try to wake the content within you

but sometimes nothing does it
and there you are with the numbness sitting beside you
and following you around
i dont feel anything
i just want the boredom to end
hope is an instant, and gone just as quick
love is a lie we tell ourselves Continue reading →

kill yourself you miserable fuck

we dont need you
and everything is all your fault
the bruises disappear
skin always heals
but the mind never does

and i remember everything
i've been forced to eat my feelings
and swallow my emotions for as long as my memory goes back
like filling a balloon with too much air
all stretched out and ruptured

i spend every free moment now
trying to relax
trying to make up for lost time
on account of getting smacked in the face
for every little thing
the scars of child abuse
running parallel with my veins
while she gets to go on with her life
and block it all out of her mind

my mind doesn't work that way
every hit is branded in my memory
and i wake up to it everyday
but who gives a fuck how i feel
and what i wake up with on my psyche
every fucking day of my life Continue reading →

the way it goes

were not doing so good
and all the promises just keep
piling up on the dashboard

were collecting dust

the sky is less blue
the water doesnt feel the same
and the lonely beast is searing
up my spine yet again

we said forever, but we didn't mean it
nobody means it
you can burn a match and make a brilliant fire
but you cant hold on to embers
and fires all go out eventually
what goes up must come down
and nothing i do or say
will bring you back to me

we had a good run, kid
you were great
but it all turned out exactly
like i thought it would
and despite what you may think
i hate being right all the time

i have to remind myself
it isnt a fantasy
the birds don't really dance around us
and we are always just delaying
the inevitable end

i miss you so much it hurts
way down deep inside
but i've felt that before
and it will go away just like you
what an unfair reality
what a sad waste of time
so long, kid Continue reading →

im in the aftermath now
the indestructibility of childhood is gone
im left with this hardened, calloused shell
failing me at every turn
every fall makes your blood pressure spike
for fear that something is broken

old friends and family are gone forever
you watch yourself get older and fatter
all the pleasure gets sucked out of life
you're supposed to feel bad for things
that make you feel good
inside though, you dont

the world is a mess of adult emotions
and hurt egos
and i have no choice but to live in this
like a rat in a city junk yard
the world is lined with assholes
and something keeps feeding them more purpose

this is to all who have used and abandoned me
you did this to me
so the fault lies on you Continue reading →