my family tree is withered and rotted wood, a true blemish on an otherwise beautiful forest

momma, some day im gonna make you so proud
then maybe you'll stop being manipulative
then maybe you put your guard down
and tell me you love me without crossing your finger behind your back
im sorry i dont live up to your expectations
but i cant live in your lie
its hard to breathe in your world
and you smother the very air you exist in
i see you've picked a husband with so little thought its a wonder he even functions
hes a clean slate for you to program to your whim
as long as he keeps the money coming in
so you can keep the heat on full blast in your house
that house reminds me of hell
but of course youre cold all the time, it goes with your black heart
the souless dont have very good circulation
warmth is reserved for the good people in life
but you...you'll do whatever you have to in the interest of your needs
even step on the people closest to you
whatsamatter, mommy and daddy didnt love you enough
too many kids running around, they didnt show you enough attention
too many belts to the back of your ass
im sorry that happened to you, but that has nothing to do with me
i was never asked to be born, and truth be told if it were my choice
i would have chosen someone else
cause the shit you did to me when i was a kid are the biggest scars i have
of all the times i have self mutilated
of all the times i tried to cut out the pain
your scars are the biggest ones i have
i am a product of your inability to overcome your own bullshit
theres a word for that you know
its called irresponsible
it was irresponsible for you to have children
look at us now
an angry self loathing bastard, and a closet case alcoholic, bi-polar wreck
two kids who have no idea how to function like the people around us
because we have never know "normal" ever in our lives
so ya know what, thank you for that
some people would say that i shouldnt say these things
this a terrible thing to lay on your mother
well if they knew the shit that you layed on me my whole life
they would stone you to death
you are no mother of mine
youre just a word to me, just a person that has come and gone
every gift you ever gave me was a manipulation to use against me later on
when things got to hot and i started to figure out your bullshit
and thats what you really have against me
its that i got you all figured out
you cant pull the wool over my eyes
i see right through you
and you are a terrified little girl trying to hurt the world that hurt her
well fuck you for that, grow a pair why dontcha
the world doesnt owe you a goddamn thing
and neither do i for that matter
your a selfish little child
i am truly ashamed of you
im ashamed of your family that came before you
and im cutting that out of me, like a cancerous limb
you cannot hurt me anymore
you have no power over me anymore
i dont want to be around you
you are not a good person to be around
you play games with peoples lives
there would be a cold place in hell for you, if hell even existed
thats another lie you fed me, while were at it
every slap on my face you dealt is another year i stay away from you
every closed fist punch you hit me with, every bruised rib
is another reassurance that i dont need you ever again
and i have thousands to choose from
if it were fuel, i could power a goddamn train around the world
you abusive, manipulative bitch
always the victim, always the one crying
while im the one dressing wounds, and hiding bruises
but hey "your house, your rules" thats a pretty good way to make a kid feel trapped
what the fuck was i supposed to do with that
i didnt have a choice then
but i do now
and you are as dead as dead can be to me
i piss on your goddamn corpse, and i desecrate your goddamn grave
you wont even be a memory to me
i am over you
i am over this
i wash my hands of this with the rest of the dirt on them
cause thats all you are anyway