if all the people in the world who wanted to die were just let alone to die at their will then the world would be a much happier less populated place. you should have the right to die. its absurd that we don't have that.

i have avoided the world. im almost thirty and i've definitely avoided the entire world. i've become something else. people go out and do things and they are in touch with whats happening now, whats up with the world, while i remain here and isolated among my things, taking in vast information and learning in leaps and bounds. i read books, i write songs. i have surpassed all of my peers. what a lonely existence this is. i didn't do it out of smugness, i didn't want to hurt anyones feelings. i just couldn't relate to anyone. everyone was so caught up in themselves, and i got caught up in them too and it just left me broken. so now i stay away to do my own thing. the loner looks on, takes it all in, and deciphers what everyone is talking about. its a different world out there, and i don't want to be a part of it. 

i know you read this.

how does that feel, huh? to be caught when you thought you were being totally anonymous.

i want you to know, its ok. i get it. i just know you read this. you want to keep tabs on me, see what goes on in my head without actually having to talk to me. cause to talk to me is a chore. my mouth is a gun and you hate to dodge bullets all the time. its stressful.

how could you not read this? i would do the same if the roles were reversed, but they aren't, and here you are, and i am on to you.

you're not allowed around me. stay away from me.

thats just where i want you, at a cold distance, afraid of confrontation. this is a power i hold over you because you let me. you have only yourself to blame. it was so easy, i just locked you up, just like that.

now who do you talk to? doesn't feel quite as right, does it. like i said, your fault. we both know you're a liar, and im telling the entire world.

farewell, my concubine

and i know too well what it is to ache

cause we're only as strong as the bonds we break

i swear to god its your new hobby to lie to me

i feel like disappearing but you don't see me anyway

we're chewing our tongues to try not to speak

one more phone call

this is becoming

loud and clear but

you're not listening

i see no point in

trying to make things right

you had everything

you deserve nothing

you deserve this

you gonna have to learn to live

with guilt

i want out

i wash my hands of this

and i have nothing left to say before the waves carry me away

i'll let you down so hard, stay angry with me

so whats the point in trying to figure it all out anyway

you live life like a dog, expect to walk in shit

you should have been dead so long ago

im dressing the walls of this hole

i think now im learning to call it home

keep your head down, walk slowly

so rain wont hit your face

keep moving, don't look back

just walk away

it pisses you off to see other people depressed and isolating themselves because it just shows you how to yourself appear to others and you can't stand that.

you hate seeing it mirrored back to yourself.

but at the same time, what can you do to change it? you see it for all its flaws, you see how ridiculous it is but when in those moods it doesnt matter. you are not that same person as you were when observing the behavior from someone else. you are in your disorder and it has ahold of your brain.