kill yourself you miserable fuck

we dont need you
and everything is all your fault
the bruises disappear
skin always heals
but the mind never does

and i remember everything
i've been forced to eat my feelings
and swallow my emotions for as long as my memory goes back
like filling a balloon with too much air
all stretched out and ruptured

i spend every free moment now
trying to relax
trying to make up for lost time
on account of getting smacked in the face
for every little thing
the scars of child abuse
running parallel with my veins
while she gets to go on with her life
and block it all out of her mind

my mind doesn't work that way
every hit is branded in my memory
and i wake up to it everyday
but who gives a fuck how i feel
and what i wake up with on my psyche
every fucking day of my life

the way it goes

were not doing so good
and all the promises just keep
piling up on the dashboard

were collecting dust

the sky is less blue
the water doesnt feel the same
and the lonely beast is searing
up my spine yet again

we said forever, but we didn't mean it
nobody means it
you can burn a match and make a brilliant fire
but you cant hold on to embers
and fires all go out eventually
what goes up must come down
and nothing i do or say
will bring you back to me

we had a good run, kid
you were great
but it all turned out exactly
like i thought it would
and despite what you may think
i hate being right all the time

i have to remind myself
it isnt a fantasy
the birds don't really dance around us
and we are always just delaying
the inevitable end

i miss you so much it hurts
way down deep inside
but i've felt that before
and it will go away just like you
what an unfair reality
what a sad waste of time
so long, kid

im in the aftermath now
the indestructibility of childhood is gone
im left with this hardened, calloused shell
failing me at every turn
every fall makes your blood pressure spike
for fear that something is broken

old friends and family are gone forever
you watch yourself get older and fatter
all the pleasure gets sucked out of life
you're supposed to feel bad for things
that make you feel good
inside though, you dont

the world is a mess of adult emotions
and hurt egos
and i have no choice but to live in this
like a rat in a city junk yard
the world is lined with assholes
and something keeps feeding them more purpose

this is to all who have used and abandoned me
you did this to me
so the fault lies on you