you remind me

your goddamn face

goddamn that face

you make me feel 

the way i don't want to feel

you remind me of how lonely i really am

you break down my walls

things i buried deep

you dug them up

and now they're in my sleep

anxious times

anxious times, for no reason at all

when you just cant sit still

and you feel like theres something wrong

you try to put it out of your mind

move on and do something else

but you cant help but feeling

that somewhere else

something horrible is happening

and its gonna change things for you

for the worst

shallow breathing is still breathing

shallow breathing is not dead yet

stomach in knots

and bile in my veins

i trudge on

i keep going

the world doesn't got time

for anxious feelings

the train is leaving with or without you

so you suck it up

smack yourself a bit

and make those legs move, goddammit

one after another

deal with it later

that seems to be the motto for life in general, nowadays

deal with it later

no surprise

its nothing new

and it changes nothing

not one palpitation in my chest

i have been through all of this before

back then it used to get to me

now, its just like breathing

i go through the motions

i look for treasures underneath the rubble

but everything shiny

it just a glare

there is nothing left under the sun

just little teasers

they used to get my hopes up

i don't have hopes anymore

i have no faith left in anything

and I'm just doing my time

till its ok for me to die

its more habit now than anything

to go through the motions

and continue on as if there's purpose

truth is, i haven't felt purpose in a long time

I'm not surprised by anything anymore

i wake up, i distract myself, i go to bed

same cycle ever day, every year

maybe i need a change

but i don't even want to try a change anymore

i don't really care

all life is pointless

all things are meaningless

and everyone lies to themselves everyday

trying to convince themselves that it isn't true

but those facts hang over your head

and they resurface every now and then

you cant keep the truth buried

you cant make a dead horse move

and we are all living in a dead fucking horse carcass

and its going nowhere

waiting

i keep waiting for the end

and it never comes

all i want is for it all to be over

and everyday, another day

you have every reason to live

i don't care

i don't want reasons

i just want a warm place

to lay down

close my eyes

and slowly drift away

and not wake up again

we all just find distractions

we keep ourselves busy

dodging the hard evidence

that its all pointless

and you are all alone

you're alone in a room full of people

you're alone when she's cuddle next to you sleeping

none of this is real

none of this is permanent

and it will go away

faster than i can take it all in

it will leave before i am done with it

never satisfied

constantly thirsty

i feel as hollow now as the day i gained consciousness

this hole in my chest has been there

since as long as i can remember

and nothing has ever made me feel whole

theres no such thing as filling a void

i don't believe in love

i don't believe in god

and i go to sleep every night

alone

nothing changes

things just get more dismal

i just get more bitter

more cynical

i fake a smile

a play the role

go through the motions

make sure everyone isn't worrying about me too much

and every night i go to sleep alone

and every morning i wake up alone

because that is the way that it is

and that is a constant that will not change

i have never found anything worth living for

but i have a million reasons to die

and i've looked harder than most

there is nothing out there

stop that shit

stop fucking trying

just go about your business

the world is full of suckers willing to take you in

you can make a fine life feeding off people