small comforts

You have to start taking small comforts in big gulps. 

This is how it is, but just for now. 

This is temporary. This is a means to end

journal entry

i'll float around for a bit if i have to, but only long enough to run around frantically and figure out what im doing and get some sort of control over things. i will not let this bury me. its depressing the hell out of me and thats already more than i should take. i need to get some sort of foundation again and work from there. i will not be defeated. i will find a rung to climb and surpass all you fucks, cause thats what i do and thats what im good at. and when im at the top i will piss on all of you who tried to burn me, and tried to bury me. this is not over. i just need to mend my wounds and i'll be back to cut you down.

dont let them in

stop it

stop feeling that way about her

kill it

let these feelings die

they are valueless

they will never get you anywhere

this is not how we live anymore

we are fine being alone

there is no comfort in the presence of others

do not let your heart flutter

do not enjoy the endorphin rush

learn to fear it

learn to run from it

stay alone

fortified like a cage

never willing to let them in

i miss being numb

the heart's beating

veins, like rusty pipes, shake to life

i'm not numb to the feeling

i miss being numb to the feeling

i miss the dream

i don't ever want to wake up

"the escapist" does it again, ladies and gentlemen

i think i just broke open a bed sore

when i'm conscious, everything hurts

all of the time

this is not life

this is not living

but i'm scared to death of everything at all times

the mind reels in horror

speak to me, say something

you could hear a pin drop right about now

anchors down, but theres nothing there for it to catch onto

this is going to be bad

we will all pay for this in the end

where i end and you begin

a great arm stretches from the sky to point its overbearing finger at me and scream

"STOP GETTING IT WRONG"

clear as day and i'm still confused

i've conditioned myself to jump head first into the hive

the most uncomfortable part of my day, everyday

i open my eyes to new hidden agendas

and i swear to god that sun up there has it in for me

every step i take is a walking disaster

the weather will once again get cold

all the elements of my body will argue and disagree with each other

all the chemicals in my brain will reintroduce me to my old friend pain

this is where i end and you begin

we can forget this ever happened

we can fall in love all over again

we'll fall in love, we'll fall down so hard

i fall for you harder overtime

we can laugh at each others bruises

we can wipe the blood off our noses

we can promise to never hit each other again

there will only be the traces left

etched in our skin

of where i end and you begin