i kept trying to come to a realization of why she still turns my stomach. why the mention of her name or her coming up in conversation just burned by blood. finally i understand it, she's so phony. she's completely fake and hollow, and it pisses me off cause i was fooled. i saw glimpses of it but i was in too deep and far to close to see it for what it is. now i realize, everything she ever said, any cause she ever stood for, every moving word that ever came out of her mouth wasn't true. it was all a costume, a play, a mask she wore, because inside she's nothing. she has no content, she has no personality, she is nothing without pretending to be someone or something else. i have been closer than most and i have seen it first hand and now i realize just how fake she is and how much lies she spreads around. she has everyone convinced and it pisses me off cause my friends are buying the lie. she has a lot of people fooled and it's just sad, and stupid. mostly, i'm angry because she fooled me, but she played that game better than anyone i have ever seen, and i don't like to be fooled, but i am no game player. i was honest from the get go, and i still hold true to everything i ever stood for. if you're reading this, you are a phony, and you are a liar. you should carve that into your arm one more time cause your father was right. you are so fake that it sickens me. it sickens me that we were ever together and that i let you drain me of everything i had, just to keep you safe. i will not make that mistake again. you are dismissed.

something tells me you can't hear me

you get so tired of "trying again"

there's no good fish left in the sea

there's nothing new under the sky

all the girls are broken and used up

licking their wounds and floating in limbo

holding onto false hopes

that the one who burned them

will someday come back and make it all ok

while better men remain alone and are left wanting

you can't un-see it, once you see it

once you switch that part of you on

and you can see right through the masks that everyone wears

they can't sell it anymore

they all look so pathetic

like starving dogs begging for food

and it just makes me feel lonelier and lonelier

all these women with the depth of a puddle

i want oceans

the good men are alone, the real men are overlooked

you say what you don't mean, and your actions speak for you

someone please, for the love of God, wake me up from this nightmare

if you're out there

i need you now, more than ever

something tells me you can't hear me

something tells me you are not real

it's getting harder and harder to shake it off

and to keep believing

faith is a cruel and unfair concept

every living creature on this earth dies alone

pig in a cage

it must feel so good to sell out your convictions

and be a shell of your former self

im sure it's a lot like shooting heroin

its so bad, but it feels so good

you are a slave to the glamour and the luxury

you are a weak, pathetic fool

you stopped fighting

you stopped giving a shit

you curled up on the floor and let them nest you

with all their bullshit

and i am ashamed of you

ashamed to ever have called you friend

i have wounds that mean more to me than you

you are the greatest liar i have ever encountered

and you are stuck in your hell that you created for yourself

because you just want to wash it down 

smoke it away

and fade into obscurity through smoke filled haze

you are a liar

and you will always be a liar

no one trusts you

you exist among thieves, and scum

people who would sell you out given the right opportunity

and i cant wait to see you fall

i cant wait to kick you right in the ribs when you are down and out

i will have my revenge

i will make sure you see my face, you look right into my fucking eyes

when i smile and laugh at you

cause you are just a washed up piece of shit