ouch, don't touch. stupid.

when you play that close to the fire 

and laugh about the dangers, 

don't be so surprised and emotional 

when someone actually erupts into flames. 

these are the dangers you flirt with, 

when they get on top of you, or one of you 

remember that you all asked for it. 

there will be no pity, there will be no investigation. 

you played with the fire 

but didn't respect the danger 

and the universe swallowed you up for it. 

this is your doing, and your sadness 

and regrets are your own burden to bear. 

i have no sympathy for you or your friends. 

alone with the mess

nobody cares about your problems

so you gotta deal with that shit

alone

cause all you are is

alone

alone 

alone

and everything you feel is only for you

no matter how much it feels like you're gonna burst

that you can trust someone, theres gotta be someone

to just pour your heart out to and get rid of it all

but no

theres no one

it always goes wrong

somebody else wants to turn in your song

and all you are is alone

you have to stuff it all down inside

where it rots and it kills you

where it makes the sun seem bitter and intrusive

where it manifests itself and starts to come out through your skin

you will deal with it

alone

cause no one else

wants to take the time

to hear you out

and tell you that they can relate

or help you solve your problems

no one else has the time

when they have nothing but time

but they want to spend it

alone

you will get nothing

theres nothing to give

they can tell you that you belong

but when the odds are down

they will abandon you

to save themselves

and all your history together

all those things you shared

that you think bought you some credit with people

that you think earns you a few points

and gives you a pass on some things

wont amount to anything

cause they only look out for themselves

you are alone

no matter who it is

or what they say

alone in a room

alone in a crowd

no one fully understands you

and we are prisoners in our heads

welcome to the future

its just like the future before it

friends in the house of thieves

this is how i know they're wrong

when they preach to me

about community

about loving your fellow man

to get you close

to pull you in

so they can slip the knife between your ribs

there is nothing out there

but predators and cowards 

this fantasy of peace and good will

is dangerous and misleading

the reality is that you will get chewed up

and spit right out if you do not watch yourself

watch your friends closely

they are poised in the best position possible

to go in for the quickest kill

it will happen before you even know whats happening

no one cares about you enough

to help you with your negative feelings

no one cares about you enough

to help you grow as a person

they're only in it for themselves

running on empty

the days we lost add up

but there is no way to stop it

we grow immune to the burn

and cant help but laugh at the way the body falls apart

the way your hand gets harder to open

and your sentences train wreck

like someone put your brain on pause

we find new lows every day

the over draft notices pile up

the pill bottles are always empty

and the bottle of whisky seems like a better idea every day

we get so tired of feeling so empty

when you've put in thirty years

and you've felt void of content the entire time

you get a little sick of it

and you start to not care what you have to do

to numb that ache

fill me with anything

they tell you,

"but look at all you've accomplished?"

"look what you've become because of it"

"you writing is amazing, you are capable of things people only dream about"

all in vain, unfortunately

no amount of accomplishment

no new skill set learned

has ever done anything to the way i feel inside

its all been a bi product of keeping myself busy

in order to run away from the feelings of misery and sorrow

its all been a distraction, aversion therapy

to keep my mind busy from focusing on the pain

i fill the script, but the script runs out

i go back to the doctors and she chastises me for not taking care of myself

like thats such an easy thing to do

like its as simple as it seems to her

i always feel like i could cry at any moment

it makes me angry, it makes me feel weak

it makes me feel like i can't control myself

and i should stay away from people and situations

where i would embarrass myself if i broke down

no matter how good i have it

i always feel sad

its always there

so when they find out about all the skeletons in my closet

i hope they can at least understand

that it was all just a bandage for my wounds

a temporary fix to a permanent problem

a way to clot the bleeding for just a few hours

before it starts again

shambles

it doesn't matter that im falling apart

as long as it looks maintainable

as long as i carry on the charade

enough to where you don't feel obligated

to ask if im ok

as long as i keep producing

one arm cutting off the other

one hand nails the other to the ground

this is all im worth

it doesn't matter that i have never felt ok

its just the way i am

its easier to believe that

so you don't have to worry

what will it take

to finally break

to be the beam that brings this fucker down

the years only add bitterness

my anger matures like wine

i'll burn a hole in your stomach

i can't feel anything anymore

but this unending eager ache 

that calls to me in my sleep

to finally lose what grip i have

and venture out into the unexplored

to never come back