Solid Grey

Everyday I wake up sad and angry
I open my eyes to ache and misery
My muscles argue with me
My chemicals imbalance
The urge to curl into a ball and cry
Is always present
I force myself, through sheer will, to get up
To pull dirty clothes on my ravaged body
To put one foot in front of the other
And try to suppress this feeling
I never wanted any of this
I had no desire for a long life
It was over, for me, not long
After it began
No house, no wife
No picket fence and a dog
No future for my kind
Just a man sized grave
For my eventual bones
I never had it in me to care
I was cursed with a sight beyond sight
To see through the veil
And see it for what it really is
Smoke and mirrors
The only reason I am not dead yet
Is because someone else would be devastated
If I were dead
I cannot hurt someone else
So I hurt myself instead
I remain in agony
To appease other people
Sometimes I’m not sure who’s the bigger coward