No Man

big man
proud as hell
boy, they'll really be afraid of you now
yeah, keep running
running away from being that scared little boy
of being like your father, that bastard, that coward
he never met a man he didn't hate
never met a bottle he didn't break
and his blood is on your hands
so go on, big man
big scary man
people are afraid of you
afraid to get near you
your voice, like trumpets
just like his
shaking the walls of the house
now he's a man, and a liar
so which one are you?
you chose
who's side are you on?
it's all on you
and now you're a man
you look down and you see his hands
but those are your hands now
who are you?

are you a liar?

are you a drinker?
without a drop?
are you a womanizer?
obsessed with your cock?
are you drowning in alcohol?
do you smell like oil?
like cigarette stains
in a house in the woods
what a fucking man
proud till the end
dying alone
the walls closing in
what a fucking life
what a fucking man
burned out shell
of a working man

a father's pride
a father's plague
a shadow you walk
at the mouth of a grave
so cheat em' all
destroy in his name
a defeated man, by his own hand

so look at you now, big man
likes to beat on the weak
likes to throw his weight around
you were never the man for me
you were never there for me
a man didn't make this man
a man didn't raise this man
that man didnt make me a man
that man never showed me how to be a man
i am no man

Still Haven't Died Yet

You could set a watch to the time and consistency of my ability to get something good going and somehow fuck it up for myself.

All my hero's were all smoke and mirrors. The dream is dead and bloated, with flecks of glitter still clinging to it's partied out corpse. I am too old.

I never wanted this, any of it. I'm condemned to a life of nothing by nobody from nowhere. Never have my breakthrough. Never have success.

One too many times with my head in the clouds and now I have to prepare for the rest of my boring, pathetic life. Nothing to show for anything. Lack the constitution for suicide. A regular jack off, mean tempered and bitter. Thrown into my grave bitching about something.

Doom is for the downtrodden. The ones who lack the proper wiring.

Boring Chemical Dependency

love was never what everyone told me it would be

sex wasn't either, for that matter

neither of them saved my life

or made much of a difference

i've gone long periods without them

and never gave it much thought or missed them

i miss who i was before these things became a factor

before it was expected of me as an adult

the loneliest times i've ever had

were when i was in love

and sex has always been a boring chemical dependency

you turn that switch on

and you can't turn it off

it's nothing more complicated than that

the older i get

the more the idea screams at me

to leave all these shit heads behind

and get the fuck out of this place

to never introduce myself

to another person ever again

and never let anyone in

cause none of them fucking deserve it anyway

earn it

or keep walking