The Boss

i grew up around sick people

you can't help but be pulled under

by the weight of it all

in a house of moments of great creativity

but also a house of great cruelty

you learn not to trust anyone

every face you see is an enemy

and potentially damaging person

you learn to live with solitude

it was never going to be a normal life

not with what i was born into 

a pool of trauma and misery

a great sealing void of catholic guilt

a fear of being watched

and being judged all the time

religious mania

no real love

nurturing is forbidden

stern and strict makes a man

breaks a man

cracks the mold when you can't fit in

and they keep pushing

just trying to win

everywhere i've ever looked

it's all full of ghosts

lives not fully lived

in houses that smell of guilt and flagellation 

there's a smell to it

when all the good energy is sucked from the air

this is not a place for children

cold, white and bleak

afraid of any blemish

sanitized beyond compassion

all the good thrown out with the bad

sometimes it feels like a hospital

sterile, smells of chemicals

but a looming feeling of illness

just waiting for the right moment to pounce