rant. pissy. miserable. people are garbage around here.

 I came to a huge realization the other day. I can't be with someone. There is a side to me that is very dangerous and unpredictable and during times of stress I have trouble controlling it. Girls around this town do nothing but flirt and fuck with my head. All I keep hearing is "I need a real man", well I am a real man so how come I'm always single. I don't hit, I don't cheat, I don't lie, I don't steal, I don't use. I am as real as they come, but whenever I put myself out there, girls get overwhelmed. It's too real for them. Well what the fuck? Where's the line?

 I realized that I can't take getting fucked over. It takes me way longer to recover from that shit than it does normal people cause I'm a naturally depressed person, and maybe one of those times that someone does something shitty to me I just might not have the strength to stop myself and I might actually go through with it and kill myself. I have a lot of shit to do with my life and I have a lot of good things coming up, so I can't allow myself to be in a situation where someone brings me to that level. So I have to pull myself back in and abstain from relationships and girls because right now they are all driving me crazy and none of them know what they want. It seem's like every girl I meet is so broken that she can't believe that I'm real. I've literally had girls tell me "I can't believe you're real." Well I fucking am and i have all this love inside of me just burning a hole through my fucking soul, and no one wants it. No one is worthy of it, and no one would appreciate it. It makes me feel so fucking lonely.

 People expect me to be something I'm not. They expect me to be this person because of the music I'm involved in. They expect me to be a big shot, or someone that can get them somewhere, and then when they get in close they don't like what they see, they aren't prepared for it and all they see is sadness so they run for the fucking hills and I'm just really tired of letting these people in thinking they have good intentions and they can handle my weirdness, but no, they can't. They get freaked out and they run away. It's too real for them. They didn't know what they wanted in the first place and found that out real quick as soon as they entered my world. For me, it takes a chunk out of my soul every time someone runs away. It's like, don't even approach me cause you won't be able to handle it. My intensity will shake you up and my sincerity will melt you. My devotion will make your head spin, and my love will make you shy and scared.

I'm just gonna stay alone and focus on other projects and keep myself busy cause right now theres a dry spell for girls who really mean what they say. Everyone just talks shit and I'm tired of correcting you pathetic retards. Stand on your own two goddamn feet. I have nothing to offer you.