step one : admitting the problem
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lets make one thing perfectly clear. i don't understand people, especially the ones closest to me. i don't understand their logic, and it frustrates me to no end to see them behave like idiots when i know they are perfectly capable of being better.
the information has never been more readily available in this world yet people are still arrogant, ignorant, and stupid. no one seems to want to do the work and actually figure out anything for themselves. no one has any pride in achieving anything or accomplishing a goal. everyone is just floating along like a robots running into walls with vacant expressions. i have never been more confused and more disgusted in the things i see on a daily basis and it just makes me feel more separated and i yearn for increased isolation from these people. the fact that we have a common bond in species is enough to sicken me. i don't feel any sort of kinship to these people or any sort of pity. its only disgust and anger, and most nights it keeps me awake knowing that they are just outside the door, shooting or raping each other and licking the blood off the knife.
some would say that i choose to look at only the negative. i disagree, and i think the correct answer is i choose to not lie to myself or anyone else. i choose to not pull the veil over my eyes and tell everyone that everything is ok. i see what i see, and i call it like i see it. it's right in front of everyones eyes and no one wants to acknowledge it because the first step is admitting there is a problem. the first step, so they say, is the hardest step. i think the entire world has a problem with denial. your apathy and "turn the other cheek" attitude wont save the world any more than my negative outlook, so i don't feel that your ways are any better than mine, and have not gotten any better results than mine, so spare me that cop out of an excuse.
i live among liars and cheaters. cowards that can't consider life worth living if they have to admit all the horror and sadness that is reality in this world. i am not the fool here, my views are backed by evidence. you need only look out your front door or windows and see the truth. i don't regard my pessimistic view as one perspective of the world, i regard it as the world itself.
i can't see anything worse or cheap as living a life only trying to focus on the "good things". thats denial, and rationalization, and to me that is the weakest most petty thing you could possibly do as a human being and a creature of this world. that behavior will only perpetuate suffering and will only make the trauma that much worse when it all finally falls on your head, and believe me, it will.
what i see is conspiracy on a global scale. a mass conspiracy of liars holding up each others lies and perpetuating the lie so that everyone can walk through the wreckage and smile a fake smile in the face of the starving child begging for a hand out. my view of the world can be summed up into one little short story of the happy-go-lucky person walking the streets and ignoring the homeless and suffering that are right in front of their eyes. looking up at the clouds so they don't have to see the bleeding, dying, unhappy fellow humans begging for their help or for it to all be over. out of sight, out of mind as they say. the motto of betrayal, the motto of the happy. happiness is a false front. its a lie. it's an unattainable goal, and anyone that tells me they have achieved it, well then i will show you a charlatan, a liar. happiness is lying to yourself. happiness is the conspiracy. i will never buy into this lie. what goes up must come down, and those who buy in eventually sell out. this is written into our history and reproves itself time and again.
i do not believe you cowards, and i would rather die than be anything that resembles you fools.
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