sex as conquest

i have never had much of an interest in sex. it just isn't and has never been an important part of my life. its also probably why women have never been an important part of my life, and i've only had 2 girl friends in my entire 29 years. 

women literally can't stand when you don't want to fuck them, or find them desirable. they just don't know what to do because then they have no power over you. i have never seen a girl more frustrated or pissed off than i have when their advances aren't working on me. i've thrown girls out of my house, i've kicked girls out of my van on tour. i've even pulled my face away from girls trying to kiss me, even just on the cheek. 

if i don't know you, i don't trust you, and i certainly have no interest in intimacy of any kind with you. i've had girls chase me for years just trying to get my attention. honestly, i feel bad sometimes, but i'm not a fucking test, and i have no use for people who are only interested in conquering me because of some image of me being some kind of test. 

my first girlfriend chased me for two years in high school, and when i finally cracked because i felt like i had to, she even admitted to me that she was obsessed with me because i didn't pay attention to her and i was "such a mystery". she had to find out, she had to keep after me, even when i spurned her advances so hard that it made her feel like shit about herself.

she used to sit next to me in art class, not my choice, and she would try to get me to talk to her which usually ended in me rolling my eyes or just ignoring her completely. once she put her head on my shoulder, and i shrugged her off. i was pissed so i looked at her like i was wanted to punch her and i said angrily, "what the fuck are you doing?" to which she sighed and said "fuck you." like i was the one who did something wrong. so i said, "whatever, don't just fucking put your head on my shoulder. what the fuck is wrong with you?" she didn't talk to me for the rest of class, but a few days later she was back at it. 

that relationship ended in misery. i dated her for a long time. i actually dated her twice. the first time i didn't have sex with her. we dated for like a year and i didn't have sex with her cause i was a virgin at the time, she was definitely a pro at this point, and i was not ready. i just didn't care. this was a huge subject of repeated fights and arguments. she hated it. she felt gross and ugly and she felt like i didn't find her attractive, which was hard for her cause she was one of the "hot" girls in school and every guy wanted her. what an attack to her ego, but who the fuck cares how i felt, or what i was ready for. it was the most selfish exchanges i have had with a female, not many others compare, but a few do. 

im sorry ladies, but i don't want to fuck you. my dick does not control my life and showing a little more skin or flashing your eyes is not going to let you control me. a lot of people think this is sad and that my existence is miserable and dark. as a matter of fact its pretty peaceful. im not controlled by stupid fucking hormones and i stay out of trouble that can come from involvement with "pussy". 

sex as conquest is sad and boring to me. i abstain and i have contempt for most of you weak, pathetic fools.