stalking a fawn

i have to say, at this point, i am satisfied with my decision to cut you out of my life like a cancer. you were possessive and abusive. everything was a battle of wits and every conversation was you sizing me up, trying to find an angle, trying to find an opening in my armor. 

what i know now is that you have always been a horrible piece of shit, but when we were younger you would flash your eyes at me, reinforce me with playful lines and slowly get under my skin. it took you years, and i almost had you. i almost turned you away, but when i admitted that i wasn't feeling it, thats when you went for the jugular and used every last bit of energy you had to snare me.

it never really worked. i went along with it because i thought it was what i was supposed to do. all my friends told me i was nuts if i didn't go for you. we'd known each other for so long, i thought it made sense. i let myself fall with you, and in the end when the ground came rushing up you used my body to cushion yours on impact. 

i commend you. you are a great liar. you're so good you can even convince yourself that you are lying. all i can say is you don't fuck like that when you are actually into the opposite sex, so spare me your bullshit. i never believed you and i still don't. i think you are pure poison. you're like a virus out in the air, you can't survive without a host and you drain them of every natural resource until one day you suck and nothing comes out. thats when you jump ship, create a new identity for yourself and move on. sound familiar? oh, it does, doesn't it. thats why it hurts so much. 

i rebuilt everything you ever took from me, and made it stronger. my life is going places that i know you dream about and will never see. you don't have what it takes to get there. you have always been nothing but a talker and never a do'er. never capable of any steps forward without a crutch. 

i want you to know that i hate you. it doesn't really come into play much these days, but if your name comes up or someone references you im sure to let them know what a piece of filth you are. i feel good in the fact that everyone has taken a side and turned their back on you because when they had all the information and they weighed it out it was clear what a shitty thing you pulled. way ta go, scum bag. you're more fucked up than i ever could imagine and even though it hurt, getting the fuck away from you was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

i saw a picture of you the other day. you look like shit, by the way. still pickin' at your skin, huh scum bag? thats cause you can't stand to live with yourself. thats the truth trying to work its way out. all the shit you push down will manifest itself in one way or another. 

and because i know you so well, i know that in the dark of night, in the peak hours of the morning, it eats at you. you think about it and it eats at you cause you know you are being dishonest. you're like a war victim who came home all fucked up and is playing the part, reading the script so no one will actually catch on to how fucked up they are. except you have no war, no fork in the road. it was you from the start. just a scared little girl with daddy issues. for someone you say you respect so much, you sure have a lot of hate for him. 

i beat cancer. you were cancer and i cut you off of me and bled till it clotted. kill yourself. you aren't worth the breath in your lungs and everyone, and i do mean everyone, thinks that and knows its true. 

you would do well to always be on the alert when you are out and about cause if i see you it wont be civil. it wont be letting each other just exist in close quarters, no, i will make you wish you have never left the house that day. 

why? cause i can. cause i know who i am, and i have never been embarrassed or ashamed of it. i will always spill the blood from my enemies. you get one chance and if you burn me, well, the gloves come off. no history, no years of friendship, nothing will get in the way of my vengeance. you are the adversary. i will always just be one step behind you, and two steps ahead. you are surrounded. the fear is a good enough start for me.