Grief is as selfish as suicide

  Today I bested the tyrant. Tomorrow I topple walls. The world is not prepared for me now that I am feeling good and released from the bonds of depression. I topple giants, and I run through enemies. There is still something to be said for the decency of good men in this world, and that's what I aim for. 

        What they don't understand about suicides is how thankless a job it was to "help so many other people." They always talk about their lost friend in that way, that they touched so many peoples lives and helped so many people, but what they never seem to understand is how taxing it is to be "helping so many people". The grieving left alive never think about anything but themselves, unfortunately, and how the death made THEM feel. Well, no one seemed to care what it was doing to the poor person who took their own life. No one seemed to notice or probably even hear the cries for help, when all the worlds wounded gathered around this sensitive person who "helped so many people"  like some beacon in the dark, and the swarm of the gathering crowd just smothered and suffocated that light.

I'm reminded of the stories of beach goers who killed a dolphin because they picked it up and passed it around, marveling at the beauty of a real live dolphin in their hands that they could touch, but none of them remembering that this beautiful creature breathes water and is suffocating out in the air. In the end, it dies in their hands while they still continue to bask in it's glory. Then they set it back in the water while it goes belly up and floats there. What do they all do? They walk away. I feel like most suicides are like that. Everyone basking in their light, but really what they are doing is sucking the life force from these special people so much that they feel they have no other choice but to just "unplug" and take themselves out entirely. 

When people kill themselves, all their loved ones can do is sit around and talk about how it's made THEM feel. The reality is that they weren't there to ask how the suicidal person was feeling. They never seemed to give a shit how much pain they were in when they were alive. Who's more selfish? The person who kills themselves or the assholes who want to keep the suicidal person in agony and torture just because they don't want to have to deal with a death? They don't want to have to sit with their emotions of having that person gone, because in this culture we are in complete denial that death is a part of this whole thing. It comes with the territory. We are constantly programmed to "not talk about those things" or "don't speak about such ugly things". 

So now you have to deal with the sadness and the grief that you are left with because someone else is gone from your life. Oh, poor you! I empathize with your pain, but I DO NOT sympathize. You were fine as long as you could go about your day and forget that your friend or loved one was in pain so bad that they were contemplating suicide. Could you really have done anything different? Do you really have the hubris enough to think that you could have saved them? Do you even know how long it takes for someone to come to that decision, or muster the courage that one has to muster to complete that kind of action? But no, you're the one in pain now, and we should all coddle you like you  DIDN'T coddle your suicidal friend. Hell, maybe you did coddle them? It still wasn't enough. 

Grief is one thing, but attention seeking and needing your feelings validated is hijacking the actual subject of what has occurred here. Yes, it's very sad. Yes, they are gone forever. But also, yes, you didn't heed the warning signs. Yes, you didn't ever think it would come to this. Yes, you failed them as much as they failed you by killing themselves. So let's try to have a little respect and compassion for someone's passing, no matter if they chose to take it into their own hands or it happened naturally. 

STOP CALLING THEM SELFISH

It's dismissive, and it makes you look like a selfish asshole. It completely dismisses the utter torment that they were in for probably longer than you could even imagine, and I'm willing to bet that was pain on a level that you yourselves wouldn't be able to take for as long as they did. There is NOTHING stronger than a person who gets up everyday with psychological wounds and mental illness. The reality is that sometimes, no matter how strong a person is, they aren't strong enough to keep them from the inevitable end. 

None of us are innocent in a suicide. How dare you make it all about you and how it's making you feel! Where we're you when it was critical in how THEY were feeling? Death is a part of the package. You signed up for the entire package the day you were born. You don't get the light without the dark. I for one am tired of selfish assholes who walk around like they are so shocked and wounded by the darkness that was right in front of their faces, but they chose to live in denial about it until the shit hit their proverbial fan and flew in their face. That kind of behavior is beneath every one of you, and it really says an awful lot of terrible things about the content of your character.