No Man

big man
proud as hell
boy, they'll really be afraid of you now
yeah, keep running
running away from being that scared little boy
of being like your father, that bastard, that coward
he never met a man he didn't hate
never met a bottle he didn't break
and his blood is on your hands
so go on, big man
big scary man
people are afraid of you
afraid to get near you
your voice, like trumpets
just like his
shaking the walls of the house
now he's a man, and a liar
so which one are you?
you chose
who's side are you on?
it's all on you
and now you're a man
you look down and you see his hands
but those are your hands now
who are you?

are you a liar?

are you a drinker?
without a drop?
are you a womanizer?
obsessed with your cock?
are you drowning in alcohol?
do you smell like oil?
like cigarette stains
in a house in the woods
what a fucking man
proud till the end
dying alone
the walls closing in
what a fucking life
what a fucking man
burned out shell
of a working man

a father's pride
a father's plague
a shadow you walk
at the mouth of a grave
so cheat em' all
destroy in his name
a defeated man, by his own hand

so look at you now, big man
likes to beat on the weak
likes to throw his weight around
you were never the man for me
you were never there for me
a man didn't make this man
a man didn't raise this man
that man didnt make me a man
that man never showed me how to be a man
i am no man

Still Haven't Died Yet

You could set a watch to the time and consistency of my ability to get something good going and somehow fuck it up for myself.

All my hero's were all smoke and mirrors. The dream is dead and bloated, with flecks of glitter still clinging to it's partied out corpse. I am too old.

I never wanted this, any of it. I'm condemned to a life of nothing by nobody from nowhere. Never have my breakthrough. Never have success.

One too many times with my head in the clouds and now I have to prepare for the rest of my boring, pathetic life. Nothing to show for anything. Lack the constitution for suicide. A regular jack off, mean tempered and bitter. Thrown into my grave bitching about something.

Doom is for the downtrodden. The ones who lack the proper wiring.

Boring Chemical Dependency

love was never what everyone told me it would be

sex wasn't either, for that matter

neither of them saved my life

or made much of a difference

i've gone long periods without them

and never gave it much thought or missed them

i miss who i was before these things became a factor

before it was expected of me as an adult

the loneliest times i've ever had

were when i was in love

and sex has always been a boring chemical dependency

you turn that switch on

and you can't turn it off

it's nothing more complicated than that

the older i get

the more the idea screams at me

to leave all these shit heads behind

and get the fuck out of this place

to never introduce myself

to another person ever again

and never let anyone in

cause none of them fucking deserve it anyway

earn it

or keep walking

Red Sea

Snake in the Grass

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Septic poisonous person
Bile and venom spills from her mouth
Begs me to fuck
Begs me to coddle her insanity
Throws herself on my life
Like a fish net, trapping me in
Top of the list of horrible ideas I've ever put into fruition
My stomach ached in repulsion
Warning me of the monster in front of me
Posing as a house pet
A psychotic mess of fear and rage
Mad at every man who ever honored his nature
And she couldn't make a man give up himself for her
She wanted ownership
She wanted complete manipulation
Flowers for whores
Cowards hide their intentions
Calling her a snake is an insult to snakes
She's chaos incarnate
The wrath of victims who couldn't find the courage
To actually become what they wanted to be
There is no forgiveness in my heart
For the likes of you
You sold me out
To be enticed by darkness
You let a virus infect you
Warp your mind and blind you
You let the superficial gloss over your life
All the things you ever made me believe that you were
You threw away to be a coward
You never had any integrity
Just another scared little girl
Who needs someone powerful to feed off of
Before my days are over
I will crush your throats under my boot
I will take what you owe out on your hide
And i will crush all your dreams before your very eyes

Victim

So many holes in your story
So many lies to keep up
Keeping yourself going
By using the lies as fuel
Insulating yourself with bullshit
To keep you warm at night
I know it chews you up
And I know the chaos in your mind
And it's more than you deserve
It's easy to go wander through life
Never taking any responsibility for yourself or your actions
Blaming others for the fires you start
While your dumb little drone
Fills your pockets with cash
And fills your face with drugs
All the substances that white skin can buy
And all the double standards
That a pussy can generate
Throw enough wrenches in the gears
And you can stop the machine from driving over you
You're not cut out for this
Soon enough these walls are going to fall on top of you
This will end in tears
And a good helping of "it's not fair" speeches
You live life like a dog
Expect to walk in shit

Now You See Us

Restless and anxious
We claim our dependents
Ripe for the plucking
But not worth forgiving
Everyone everywheres
Got better ideas
Just shun the man
Break him down
Discredit his intelligence
There's bigger pictures here
It doesn't have to be
Alway rubbing elbows
And dreams that we will never see
This is what you wanted
But it doesn't fit the door
When you got it home finally
You only wanted more

We are lost in this circle

I have an opinion
That's built upon facts
Cause I read a million words
And I follow all the tracks
While you sit there in your dirty clothes
And talk to me of blame
Well you only need a mirror
And your illusions of fame
This argument is boring
But there's nothing better to do
But abuse the lesser beings
With my very special brew
They try to jump inside me
Cause it worked with all the rest
But I'm wired very different
Like there's a bomb in my chest
We all know it's not forever
But we're fighting like it is
Holding onto little pieces
That we don't want to miss
Have you ever stopped to think
That maybe you aren't doing the work
And other people like me
Are drowning in the murk
This is not a place for everyone
I'm sorry for you fear
But mine has died a long time ago
And it left me right here