The Other Part of Life

its always the norms

who are upset by suicide

they could never understand

how someone could do that to "them"

how selfish it all is

wanting to keep someone in pain

just so they all don't have to deal 

with their absence 

all they think about is themselves

and how it makes them feel

maybe if they cared more

about how other people felt

those people wouldn't be killing themselves

no one wants to deal 

with cold, hard reality

death is a part of the package

and you just choose not to think about it

and now it's in your face

it doesn't matter how somebody dies

they just do, eventually

some choose to have a say in their death

they never got a vote on their life

you just have to sit in it and swallow it

like the rest of us

sit down and shut up

you don't know anything

Continue reading →

God is Comfort

god is comfort

nothing more complicated than that

some people find god in nature

some find god in darkness

some in the light

some find it in anger

all roads come to a source

to a single connection

comfort

some would be turned away

by the semantics of the word god

cause the word has been usurped by tyrants

and losers

they repackaged it for their own political agenda

the rape of the natural world

Continue reading →

Just Keep Running

she birthed her own wrath

the lesson she never wanted to learn

ran away from it, hid from it her whole life

and it sprang from her body

in the form of a son

who challenged her at every turn

out debated her

and she struck him down with violence

the great equalizer

the common defuser

but in this instance, the act of a coward

violence towards a child

who was born better than her in every way

able to rise up against her

get through all her defenses

and break her

sometimes, a lesson manifests itself

in the most shocking ways

nature doesn't care about your arbitrary laws and culture

nature will drive a stake through your heart

if you do not heed the lesson

be brave and face it

if you cower

you will ruin your life

cause it will take the rest of your life

while the lesson hunts you down

nature is the very box which you set your rules

and laws

and traditions

and nature moves

Continue reading →

Social Termite

hollow little vessels

empty lives

carbon copies with bad posture

body positive but mental negative

mindless crops of uselessness

they'll never do a thing with their lives

never had a life to begin with 

they need the herd to give them purpose

the hive to tell them where to swarm

strength in numbers because its all they know

most of them will never have a thought

outside the box

they'll tow the line for all their days

no quality of life

just numb up here, and fall down there

drag your horrible flesh around

for all to turn their noses at

for everyone to gossip about

hell hath no fury like a crowd disgusted

what will everyone think

what will they say

we tend to stack our value on the favor of an insecure hive mind

i never saw the value in society

never had much use for what they thought about me

Continue reading →

The Boss

i grew up around sick people

you can't help but be pulled under

by the weight of it all

in a house of moments of great creativity

but also a house of great cruelty

you learn not to trust anyone

every face you see is an enemy

and potentially damaging person

you learn to live with solitude

it was never going to be a normal life

not with what i was born into 

a pool of trauma and misery

a great sealing void of catholic guilt

a fear of being watched

and being judged all the time

religious mania

no real love

nurturing is forbidden

stern and strict makes a man

breaks a man

cracks the mold when you can't fit in

and they keep pushing

just trying to win

everywhere i've ever looked

it's all full of ghosts

lives not fully lived

in houses that smell of guilt and flagellation 

there's a smell to it

when all the good energy is sucked from the air

this is not a place for children

cold, white and bleak

afraid of any blemish

sanitized beyond compassion

all the good thrown out with the bad

sometimes it feels like a hospital

sterile, smells of chemicals

but a looming feeling of illness

just waiting for the right moment to pounce

Continue reading →

Stay for the Pain

whats more selfish?

the man who takes his own life

or the people who want him to stay in pain

because they don't want to have to deal

with death and loss

you can paint yourself prettier in the picture

but it doesn't make it so

no one wanted to do anything

when there was a chance

now that its too late

everyone has to choke on it

the real tragedy

is that someone wasn't paying attention

to the warning signs

and now it's too late

no one can help you ease your heart

Continue reading →

Ruined Lives

it only goes so far

till you're stretched out on the floor

burnt out beyond capacity

and wondering how the hell

you're gonna keep this up

this machine feeds on the weak

who are born into the line

all sense of pride and self respect

quickly beat out of them

like tenderizing the meat

before you eat it

cynicism is only for the good days

theres not even much of that left

just routine and numb

the mind can only take so much

before it fragments

compartmentalize your agony

and pretend its happening to someone else

all thats left is a shell

and thats all they want anyway

there's no regard for the content inside

in an entire lifetime you won't earn

what it takes to matter to the world

you'll never be something remembered

just another body that will eventually be forgotten

in time, no one will know you ever existed

or will anyone that knew you

fill your life with empty gestures

live your house with objects that only

serve as an attempt for meaning

but emptiness persists

cause inside of you there is a hole

and nothing in this world has ever

or will ever fill it

Continue reading →

Ursus

you can feel it now

this is the true moment

when everything has shifted

violently into place

when deserters are punished

and betrayal is avenged

pupils shrink in horror

you can always see it in their eyes

we don't need you

you wasted your golden opportunity

like you wasted your life

and I'm gonna make you swallow the regret

every bitter and jagged edge of it

down your gullet

like the fat piece of shit you are

Continue reading →

No Man

big man
proud as hell
boy, they'll really be afraid of you now
yeah, keep running
running away from being that scared little boy
of being like your father, that bastard, that coward
he never met a man he didn't hate
never met a bottle he didn't break
and his blood is on your hands
so go on, big man
big scary man
people are afraid of you
afraid to get near you
your voice, like trumpets
just like his
shaking the walls of the house
now he's a man, and a liar
so which one are you?
you chose
who's side are you on?
it's all on you
and now you're a man
you look down and you see his hands
but those are your hands now
who are you?

are you a liar?

are you a drinker?
without a drop?
are you a womanizer?
obsessed with your cock?
are you drowning in alcohol?
do you smell like oil?
like cigarette stains
in a house in the woods
what a fucking man
proud till the end
dying alone
the walls closing in
what a fucking life
what a fucking man
burned out shell
of a working man

a father's pride
a father's plague
a shadow you walk
at the mouth of a grave
so cheat em' all
destroy in his name
a defeated man, by his own hand

so look at you now, big man
likes to beat on the weak
likes to throw his weight around
you were never the man for me
you were never there for me
a man didn't make this man
a man didn't raise this man
that man didnt make me a man
that man never showed me how to be a man
i am no man Continue reading →

Still Haven't Died Yet

You could set a watch to the time and consistency of my ability to get something good going and somehow fuck it up for myself.

All my hero's were all smoke and mirrors. The dream is dead and bloated, with flecks of glitter still clinging to it's partied out corpse. I am too old.

I never wanted this, any of it. I'm condemned to a life of nothing by nobody from nowhere. Never have my breakthrough. Never have success.

One too many times with my head in the clouds and now I have to prepare for the rest of my boring, pathetic life. Nothing to show for anything. Lack the constitution for suicide. A regular jack off, mean tempered and bitter. Thrown into my grave bitching about something.

Doom is for the downtrodden. The ones who lack the proper wiring. Continue reading →

Boring Chemical Dependency

love was never what everyone told me it would be

sex wasn't either, for that matter

neither of them saved my life

or made much of a difference

i've gone long periods without them

and never gave it much thought or missed them

i miss who i was before these things became a factor

before it was expected of me as an adult

the loneliest times i've ever had

were when i was in love

and sex has always been a boring chemical dependency

you turn that switch on

and you can't turn it off

it's nothing more complicated than that

the older i get

the more the idea screams at me

to leave all these shit heads behind

and get the fuck out of this place

to never introduce myself

to another person ever again

and never let anyone in

cause none of them fucking deserve it anyway

earn it

or keep walking

Continue reading →

Red Sea

Continue reading →

Snake in the Grass

​
​
Septic poisonous person
Bile and venom spills from her mouth
Begs me to fuck
Begs me to coddle her insanity
Throws herself on my life
Like a fish net, trapping me in
Top of the list of horrible ideas I've ever put into fruition
My stomach ached in repulsion
Warning me of the monster in front of me
Posing as a house pet
A psychotic mess of fear and rage
Mad at every man who ever honored his nature
And she couldn't make a man give up himself for her
She wanted ownership
She wanted complete manipulation
Flowers for whores
Cowards hide their intentions
Calling her a snake is an insult to snakes
She's chaos incarnate
The wrath of victims who couldn't find the courage
To actually become what they wanted to be
There is no forgiveness in my heart
For the likes of you
You sold me out
To be enticed by darkness
You let a virus infect you
Warp your mind and blind you
You let the superficial gloss over your life
All the things you ever made me believe that you were
You threw away to be a coward
You never had any integrity
Just another scared little girl
Who needs someone powerful to feed off of
Before my days are over
I will crush your throats under my boot
I will take what you owe out on your hide
And i will crush all your dreams before your very eyes Continue reading →

Victim

So many holes in your story
So many lies to keep up
Keeping yourself going
By using the lies as fuel
Insulating yourself with bullshit
To keep you warm at night
I know it chews you up
And I know the chaos in your mind
And it's more than you deserve
It's easy to go wander through life
Never taking any responsibility for yourself or your actions
Blaming others for the fires you start
While your dumb little drone
Fills your pockets with cash
And fills your face with drugs
All the substances that white skin can buy
And all the double standards
That a pussy can generate
Throw enough wrenches in the gears
And you can stop the machine from driving over you
You're not cut out for this
Soon enough these walls are going to fall on top of you
This will end in tears
And a good helping of "it's not fair" speeches
You live life like a dog
Expect to walk in shit Continue reading →

Now You See Us

Restless and anxious
We claim our dependents
Ripe for the plucking
But not worth forgiving
Everyone everywheres
Got better ideas
Just shun the man
Break him down
Discredit his intelligence
There's bigger pictures here
It doesn't have to be
Alway rubbing elbows
And dreams that we will never see
This is what you wanted
But it doesn't fit the door
When you got it home finally
You only wanted more

We are lost in this circle

I have an opinion
That's built upon facts
Cause I read a million words
And I follow all the tracks
While you sit there in your dirty clothes
And talk to me of blame
Well you only need a mirror
And your illusions of fame
This argument is boring
But there's nothing better to do
But abuse the lesser beings
With my very special brew
They try to jump inside me
Cause it worked with all the rest
But I'm wired very different
Like there's a bomb in my chest
We all know it's not forever
But we're fighting like it is
Holding onto little pieces
That we don't want to miss
Have you ever stopped to think
That maybe you aren't doing the work
And other people like me
Are drowning in the murk
This is not a place for everyone
I'm sorry for you fear
But mine has died a long time ago
And it left me right here

Continue reading →

Seeping Cracks

It's hard, sometimes, to remember you're still alive
When everyone ignores you
When no one acknowledges your presence
Or looks you in the eye
Strange things happen to the mind

Sit inside yourself long enough
And the outside world doesn't seem worth going back out into
All the horrors of the times
Running rampant and unrestricted
The worst of all junkies
Have a nation of their own
Dogs whimper and cry out in pain
Bones with decaying flesh still on them
Taught and covered in flies

The flowers smell nice but they are still just growing among the weeds
Death is not the problem
Death is a friend
Death is a relief from suffering
Life is, and has always been, the problem

Continue reading →

Solid Grey

Everyday I wake up sad and angry
I open my eyes to ache and misery
My muscles argue with me
My chemicals imbalance
The urge to curl into a ball and cry
Is always present
I force myself, through sheer will, to get up
To pull dirty clothes on my ravaged body
To put one foot in front of the other
And try to suppress this feeling
I never wanted any of this
I had no desire for a long life
It was over, for me, not long
After it began
No house, no wife
No picket fence and a dog
No future for my kind
Just a man sized grave
For my eventual bones
I never had it in me to care
I was cursed with a sight beyond sight
To see through the veil
And see it for what it really is
Smoke and mirrors
The only reason I am not dead yet
Is because someone else would be devastated
If I were dead
I cannot hurt someone else
So I hurt myself instead
I remain in agony
To appease other people
Sometimes I’m not sure who’s the bigger coward Continue reading →

Dirtgrub

Your opinion is worth shit to me.
You don’t have the IQ enough
to have an opinion.
Keep your unsolicited counterfeit two cents to yourself
and the rest of the morons stupid enough to listen to you.
You want to start a war,
I’ll bring an entire ocean of warships down on your fucking head.
No one knows there place anymore
Step a toe out of line and you will eat the very ground beneath that line
I’ll feed you to the fucking dogs
You’re gonna learn respect if i have to carve it on your fucking tomb stone
No wash up fucking bitch is gonna tell me up from down
When the gloves come off
And this beast gets out of his cage
I’ll have you drowning in your own tears
You haven’t had a nightmare in your life that can hold a candle to me
Shut your worthless fucking mouth
Lesser people get treated like lesser people
And when you get to big for your britches I will cut you the fuck down like every asshole before you
Try and take me on
Bigger and badder motherfuckers have tried
And all of them failed
The fact that I am even standing here
Is a testament to my strength
And you couldn’t last an hour in what I’ve been through
Know your role
Sit the fuck down
And keep your lips together
Cause nothing that comes from them when they part
Is of any consequence to real life
Here’s a lesson you apparently have to learn the hard way
You’ll need me
Before I ever fucking need you Continue reading →

Plate Tectonics

​

Had to steal a minute just to get some time to myself

Just need to breath and let myself adjust to the pressure

Everything is so hectic and rushed in the morning

It takes me at least an hour to catch up

I'm so tired of feeling like this

Thirty four years

And still such a rotten existence

It's never gone away

There was no truth to be found

It's all just empty space

I'm forced into slave labor

With morons who can barely tie their shoes

Dead eyes and drunken hearts

Anger you can smell in the air

But they all want to be your friend

Keep your enemies close, they say

I don't want to know any of these people

The more I learn about them

The more disgusted I feel

Learning where the bad in them

Finally reared its head, in their lives

Where being a louse had overstayed it's comfort

And real life showed up

The way they handled it

Or let it mangle them

Is where the lines are drawn

Worthless flesh on bones

Dry rot and hollow through

Your lives and watching you live them

Are the cause for my stomach pains

Are the reason I cringe to get out of bed in the morning

All these years later

I still feel so trapped

Continue reading →

Snowflakes

​

Gather arm in arm in public places

March on some stupid cause

To make yourselves feel better and nurse your sore ego

Sign petition after petition

And swallow it down

When nothing changes

And your tears haven't moved a single thing

Voice your stupid opinion

Like you're smart enough to have one at all

Sing your outrage as the shock and awe culture stirs it's ugly pot one more time

And hide from the fact that you're all going home empty handed

With nothing accomplished

And a hard pill to swallow

This is your life

And the world around you doesn't give a shit about it

Or you

Reality is a slab of ice

Don't fall and break your hip

Continue reading →