INK GOES IN

ink goes in
stays there forever
tattoo your pain
why do they always say 'tell me im dreaming'
when are you ever told you are dreaming, when you actually are?
im not dreaming
im wide awake
and its 5 in the morning
sleep wont come for another 3 to 5 hours
give or take
look what they make you give
look at what we take
all the blame
all the pressure to tighten the valves in my chest
the needle in the gauge bounces in the red, in unision with my pupils
this feeling never goes away
nothing ever goes away
it goes to visit relatives, but it always comes back
love is just something to write about in movies
its a depression era film
it doesnt exist
how can i believe in god when i dont believe in love
people say give it time, you need to heal
the thought makes my stomach turn
its like smelling alcohol after a night of drunken vomiting
well, you do drink again eventually
but not everybody
for some people thats all it takes
maybe im one of those people
who am i anyway?
i dont want to hurt
i dont want to hurt anyone else
she wants this
she wants me
i dont want this
i look at her and i see a beautiful person
everything in the world to live for
could be anything she wants to be
and for as long as my inside vibrated at the thought of her, now its different
now isnt then anymore
and i dont want her anymore
i dont want anybody anymore
what do i want?
what am i even doing?
i dont know.