death to hearts

she puts my face down into the mud

presses her foot against the back of my neck

she lets me up for a minute

looks at me with worried eyes

and asks me "are you ok with this"

i tell her yes 

cause i dont want her to feel bad

but i am not ok with this

i dont want to be here

i dont want my face in this mud

but i cant stand to hurt her

i cant stand to see her struggle

with the fact that what shes doing

is affecting me in a negative way

this has become my life

getting my face pushed in mud

getting walked on

and trampled over

getting things that twinge my heart

paraded in front of my face

and all i can do is smile

and wait until it doesnt affect me anymore

wait until my heart finally dies

until theres nothing left to lose

and i dont care anymore

this is my lot in life

im not allowed to be the one 

to teach people not to hurt other people

im just the one who always gets hurt

cause im not willing to do the hurting

i will get walked on for the rest of my life

because i care too much

and i have too much faith in fantasies

my heart will one day die

and maybe when it does

i'll still be alive

to walk among the crowd

and not feel a goddamn thing

and not have to worry about

the people around me

the ones who tell me they care about me

so i wont have to care about them

i wont have to care about anybody

it just gets in the way