misanthropy

sanctimonious assholes

your iphone 5 is the furthest reach of your vision

solipsism in its sunday best

go to church

go to the mall

buy another lie

and cut your own throat

i will bathe in the blood

and choke on the powder of your bones

if you want a god to believe in

it is not in a building

that is a place for fools

who don't have the guts to find it in themselves

the contents of your wallet

is your god

and you all know it

its all in your head

and its trying to work its way into my head

and i don't fucking like it

averting your eyes from the gun toting lunatic

when he is just a mirror of yourselves

you want to look for someone to blame

try looking in the mirror

the damage has been done

and we're all gonna burn for this

advancing technology faster than ever before in human history

a wealth of knowledge and a library at your finger tips

and youre still the dumbest motherfuckers

drooling and slobbering on each other

pushing for the feeding troth

i have no sympathy for any of you

i want to be the one to drop the match

to start the fires that burns you all

i am so sick of being a human

and sharing any sort of common thing with any of you

i am so ashamed of us

and when those closest to me

those do gooders who tell me theres hope

try to put their arm around me

i give them one warning 

and then the gloves are off

everyone has evil inside them

and the hibernating ability to turn coat and attack

its in us all

its a choice you make to not indulge your insanity

so why am i being so careful to keep mine at bay

when everyone else just pisses where they please

you have no vision

no thought in how it affects us all

i am sick of having to live in your world

of having to adjust to the new rules put into place

from your arrogance and ignorance

of having my life adjusted because of your stupidity

no one is worth it

no one will be spared

i can't stress this enough

i despise every last one of you

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ghosts

i guess i'll never really get over you

and i have to accept that fact

im still not over any of them

but you, that was the one i thought i had for the long haul

you haunt my dreams

last night was particularly heart wrenching

i woke up with that feeling

like i lost you all over again

and it carried with me all day

i miss that person

but you're not that person anymore

i couldn't get her back if i tried

she wanted to become someone else

and she pushed me out of her life in doing so

that person i knew is dead

i wish i wasn't so scared to walk around town

afraid of running into a corpse

i guess i go all in way too far

i guess i should save something for the break up

something to get me through to the other side

but thats not in my nature

and i guess i kinda hope it kills me, every time

it never really goes away

we just learn to ignore the ache

but there are always times

when the ache gets the best of you

all my failures walk through my life like ghosts

haunting my houses, scattering my life

making sure i never truly get to sleep

you were supposed to be the last one

the reason for living

the way through all the trauma

the one light i had

now i don't let anyone close

my nerves wont allow it

now i just want it all to end

im gonna end up in box

with my whole life ahead of me

and my talents a shame

im gonna end up a disappointment

like everything else

Continue reading →

what you are is lonely

it still makes the heart flutter

don't deny it

it still has the possibility to bring you to your knees

if you indulge the thought long enough

you will find yourself in a ball on the floor

all these scars, all these notches in the bed post

former lovers we wear with such baggage

carrying bricks on our backs

they fill your head with thoughts of "the one" from birth

all those songs

all those movies

filled with romancing relationships

and making you believe that being in love is magical 

and is an end to all your troubles

i have scars inside me that are debilitating

only from being in love

i still wake up screaming and shake myself to sleep

i still have dreams about them

i still get sick to my stomach knowing that there is a "them" and not just a "her"

there is no "one"

there is only those who wander into your life

and when they go away, and they will, just let them go

trying to hang on when its clear that its time for them to go

will only harm you more

sometimes, no matter how much you both want to make it work

no matter how much you want to hold on to the care that you have for each other

you just cant get past your egos

you just cant get past your hurt feelings, your resentment

the negative feelings you have will outweigh your positive feelings every time

and you will destroy what you had

you will have to sit there and watch

while that beautiful pure thing you created together

withers and the color drains out of it

you will not be able to look away

you will have to see it happen, right down to the last drop

and feel every painful, excruciating feeling as it passes through you

you will have to cry, and vomit, and your stomach will hurt

this is the reality of love

its much like playing with fire

it can be very exciting and beautiful

if you don't treat it with respect and responsibility

it will burn you alive and destroy you

all those lovers that i can bring to mind

all those names that hurt so bad i just want to carve them into my skin

just to feel it physically as well as mentally

all those songs i wrote

all those feelings that made me drop to the ground

pen in hand

all the pills i've ever had to look at in the palm of my hand

and pretend i am swallowing them away

nothing ever prepared me for that

nothing ever could

it still hurts, not as much, but its still there

it never goes away

it makes you grow up

but it pulls the innocence right out of your heart

you will never have a scar like you have when you heal from that

it will leave you a bit more twisted, a bit more damaged

and after all of that

you will try it again

cause we are slaves to our hearts

and humans cannot be alone

humans are all empty inside

and the only thing that fills it up

is someone else

Continue reading →

tiny liars

im not impressed or convinced

just because you can sniff each others asses

and sell each other the idea

that shit doesn't stink

doesn't give you a better result or solution

than that one i came to

im tired of the sound of your insignificant voice

vibrating in my ear

rubbing on every nerve and carving away at all resolve

the attack wont come on fast

it will be slow and subtle

and you wont know whats happening until its too late

and you are already half in the body bag

iike tiny dogs, yipping at the air

when all it would take 

is one swift act of rage

and all that would be left is a red mist in the air

where the body used to be

it is nothing short of pure torture just being around

and having to constantly maneuver through your bullshit

and my fists itch like they need to get some killing done

your life isn't precious

your existence is a result of mouth breathers with bad genes

rubbing their crotches together too much

and we got landed with you

i have no sympathy 

i have no connection to you as a fellow human

you are in the way

you are just another thing thats wrong with the equation

you are the essential that is stripped away to find the real underneath

you are the smudge on the canvas

the world removes you

you are waste

and im tired of your kind playing on our sympathies

get out of my way

or im coming through you

Continue reading →

ants

i remove myself from your equation

i divorce myself from this mistake

these people aren't my friends

they look, they talk, they move ilke me

but somehow i just know

that they are not who i am

i am in a crowd of carbon copies

master manipulators who are trying to convince me

that everything is fine

when i can feel that something is very wrong here

i keep calm, stay quiet

i look for the tiny exits

watch for the moments when they aren't watching the doors

and i wait until its time

all it takes is one pure moment and im gone

im surrounded by the dregs of the litter

the parts you throw away

i cant help but feel disconnected

these people have nothing to offer me

i hear their voices in my ears

and it attaches itself

right to the button that flips on my anger

and i am ready to destroy

you don't take pity in the destruction of fools

you don't feel sorry for the ants you step on

i cannot sit here one more second and pretend

that these people aren't making my skin crawl

that these people aren't making me want to end their pathetic existence

that i am not fighting with all i have inside

to not resort to violence

and show them how cold and ugly

the reality really is

theres no one protecting you

only people who haven't yet snapped

and destroyed you

you are protected by the resolve of people

not wanting to be locked up

but the fact remains

all of us feel it

and all of us want our view clear of you

Continue reading →

no friends

don't get too close to the things hanging on you

they are not your friends

they come with built in smiles

and the best intentions

and when you give in a bit

they will pull all the blood out of your body

with that smile still so wide on their face

do you want the last thing you see

to be a fake smile

embrace the distance you keep

between people and yourself

wall it up, empty everything

no ones fucking getting in here

the oppressors tell you to stop being paranoid

they try to ease your heart with well placed words

and a manor that makes you trust

but when you're not looking

is when they pull the knife

and slip it between your ribs

it happens every time

they tell me i'm one sided

i only see it one way

i say that i've been where they are

and this is where being that way ends

this is what you have to look forward to

once you break it all down 

and deconstruct it 

you only have one side to view it from

the side that makes the most sense to you

you can't live your life playing both sides

chose a side, stand your ground

dig your roots in for once in your life if you've got the guts

your ability to buy a house and pop out a kid

does not make you a man

your ability to impregnate an ugly girl and settle for less

because it was easier that way

and she was already down and out

to me thats whats really sad

so you don't like your life

or the way it turned out for you

cause you never really had any guts to do it on your own

sit in your basement

designing mediocrity for the fools and their troths

every time i try to bend and fold

i am just taught another lesson on why i shouldn't do that

i am onto something pure

and the screw heads will do everything to take that away from me

don't bend, don't consider if they're right

the truth will out so don't worry about it so much

in the end, we have no friends

just people we can stand being around

they will talk behind your back

about what you're doing wrong

never considering

what they don't know

the information that they don't yet have

never considering a method to your madness

i will swallow all of you whole

none of you has ever made a bit of difference

and when i drop you like the scraps of paper that you are

you will fall down to your knees

in tears

feeling sorry for yourselves

cause how else are you gonna get your fix

im just a fix to you

a rush of endorphins

you feed off my insanity

like a television show

like an action movie

but to me its real

and im not fucking laughing

i will leave you all with nothing

in the end

you will all be burned

Continue reading →

Luu

Why don't I kill myself? 

For Shaun luu

He didn't get to have a life

His got snubbed out before he really even knew life at all

So I live mine for Shaun

I didn't want mine in the first place

So he can have it

I'm doing this for him 

Cause he was better at it

And he loved deeper

And felt more

And I'm just trying to make him proud 

Continue reading →

you play in a band, right?

I hate when people at work find out that I've been on your and I play in bands. It's always a thousand questions of things they have no idea about and don't understand the answers too. 

Yes I sleep in vans and other peoples houses. 

No I'm not rich and famous. 

No I don't play for beer tickets and pretzels, I need protein and good food on tour when I can eat. 

Yes sometimes I go day increments without eating so we can get to the next town sometimes. 

No there is no money in music. 

I still do it because it's the only thing in the entire world that brings me any kind of joy. 

It doesn't make sense to the average video game playing, computer nerd thirty year old but to me the way they live is a hollow existence void of excitement or purpose. That isn't living, that's being dead already. Losing yourself in a virtual world because you don't have the guts to actually have something in your life that isn't in a video game or in the confines of your lowly apartment. 

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carbon copy

they say imitation is the highest form of flattery

but do you see me fucking smiling

you never had a chance in hell before you met me

and then you used me as leverage to get a leg up

you climb the rungs like they were heading for the sky

but then you saw how far you had to crawl

theres nothing up there

just space and dust

and it wasn't what you expected it to be

you cannot find yourself

so you faked an image by shadowing me

but a copy's never pure as the original 

the ink will run and the details will get washed out

i know what you're doing

and i don't fucking like it

i am onto you in every fucking way

and when i get my hands around your worthless throat

we will see who can do what they can say

i don't have to talk

i don't have to bark loud so that they wont know the fear i have inside

you never had any guts

just a scared little boy

a chronic case of peter pan 

who just wont grow the fuck up

this is not an image for me

this is who i am, darkness and all

i wont hesitate

they will never fucking find you

where i leave you to rot away

a man is measured not by the violence

but the distance he is willing to go

and you have been stuck in that same pathetic rut

when all you have to do is put your legs down under you

and walk away

stop feeding off of me

its poisoning you

you don't have what it takes to be like me

you can take the pills

courage in a bottle

but when the high wears off

your still just as scared and soft inside

pathetic

you're pathetic

you're a miserable little carbon copy of a man

so you can throw a fit

big fucking deal

the world doesn't owe you a thing

you got left behind

just like everyone else

because thats all you will ever be

you don't have what it takes to shine

to rise above it all and become something more

you're just noise and bone

a little whelp of a man

and you cant make your arms big enough

to push out the pain

you did this all to yourself

and you continue to let it keep you down

you've never done anything

you've never been anywhere

and theres a reason you don't have anyone in your life

you say you want it this way

but i can smell a lie

and you're as lonely as the god up in the sky

you'll never be like me

you'll never have what it takes

you couldn't even walk a mile in my shoes

you couldn't deal with a day in the life of me

carbon copy

carbon copy

Continue reading →

i have a tumblr.

not sure why. i just made one on an impulse. seems to be a lot of people on tumblr nowadays and not so much on blogspot, but i'll never really advertise my stuff or anything. i'll never go out of my way to say "hey, read my stuff" cause i just feel like a douche bag. i guess im new to this writing thing and actually considering myself a writer. its weird to even say, it feels foreign, like a new hair cut. i'll grow into it i guess. here it is.....http://jamesrbailey.tumblr.com/

*crickets* Continue reading →

traditional bullshit tattoo culture for fools

i don't understand the whole hype on traditional flash sailor jerry tattoo's. in my eyes it looks like juvenile. it looks like something my 12 year old niece drew when she was 9 but with straighter lines. its a celebration in mediocrity. its not really all that good. the lines are straight, the colors are…..colors, theres little to no shadow, and if there is it's laughable at best. 

  to me, its not different than people who still wear the mullet and talk about how great van halen was back in the day. the era is over and its stupid looking now, let it go, evolve. i don't see it as a valid art form in the same way i don't look at stills of old cartoons as a valid art form. its a relic, a film still of a time past. its nostalgic and antiquated. it looks so goddamn stupid to me. theres a reason there is only one mona lisa, there's a reason they save relics, because when you carbon copy it over and over again it looses its value. the same applies to this tattoo hype. its not special anymore, its been done and over bloated to a point where it is worthy of no more than an eye roll and a pat on the head. 

  i got out of the tattoo game years ago because i saw it heading in this direction and i wanted no part in it. i was tattooing out of my house since the age of 15. i was tattooing when you were riding the school bus, so don't brush me off as someone who just "doesn't get it". there's nothing to get, its stupid, and you have bad taste, thats all this is. you are a pawn, a sheep, and you wouldn't know good taste if it was in your mouth. 

  these people that cover their bodies with this shit just look like assholes. its not different, to me, than the football jock who wears jerseys like he's part of the teem and has a mouth guard for no reason. you're a dick head, accept it, move on. you're a clown. 

  what impresses me is tattoo's that are so in depth in color and texture and depth that it actually looks like a painting and you can't believe its actually on someones skin and was only done with a tattoo machine and a needle. thats impressive, thats art. that is worthy of praise. 

stop. celebrating. mediocrity. 

you morons. 

Continue reading →

mothers

all your daughters are in pain

fathers

all your daughters are destroyed by you

brothers

all your daughters are unwatched, unsafe

sisters

all your daughters are detached from the earth

her face hides in the rain

listen to her gentle heart

she lulls me to sleep

i come undone when were apart

im alive when were alone

i'll do anything for you

let me lay in your grace for a day

let me see this through

all i have inside

she makes it all ok

just to speak her name

and im blown away

i can feel you in my bones

i can hear you in my head

i can shed my skin for you

i will come apart for you

i will ruin my whole life

just to have a smile from you

i am down on my knees

with all i am for you

dream

away with me

i'll cherish her for all my days

i'll rest so peaceful in her name

i'll lay my burdens down for good

i'll go beyond what no man should

i'll best the devil, keep you safe

i'll beat the demons in your name

i'll keep a light always with me

so i can watch you fall asleep

i rest my head, im by your side

forever into your desire

and all i'll ever ask of you

is to be aware of what you do

the power you have over me

can easily be ill conceived

we must be good to our dream

to keep this safe for you and me

i just wanna get a taste of you

let me in closer

we'll discover ourselves in motion

we'll walk the water

and we'll glide in tune

you 

have my heart

you 

have my soul

you 

have my heart

you

have me

Continue reading →

for everything a reason

and so they say, lord, for everything a reason

for every ending, a new beginning

oh so they say, baby, for everything a reason

and so they say, baby, for everything a reason

and those who loved before will be brought back together

yea those who loved before will be brought back together

and so they say, baby, for everything a reason

and so they say, baby, you will brought

brought back to me

i saw you leaving

i saw the light go out

i saw you leaving

i saw you leaving

and so they say, lord, for everything a reason

my house is haunted by wrong desire

and on my skin left the sent of indignation

and so they say, baby, for everything a reason

don't call me back i have everything i needed

for every lie, honey, the truth lay underneath it

oh so they say, baby, for everything a reason

and so they say, baby, you will be brought

brought back to me

i saw you leaving

i saw the light go out

i saw you leaving

i saw you

come back to me

come back to me

- carina round

Continue reading →

faith gone faster than it arrived

It's funny how quick you lose your faith in people

When compared to the amount of time it took

For you to have any faith at all

There's gotta be some sort of under lined truth in that

Something everyone has really got wrong all along

All it really takes is a handful of people

Doing things you would never expect them to do

And only thinking of themselves

No matter who they hurt

People you think you can count on, at least them 

And that's all it takes

Till you're just ok with their blood on your hands

With the scared looks in their eyes

When you no longer see them as people you care about

But as obstacles in the way of your peace of mind

My mind is clearer now

I see it all 20/20

I'll keep it all to myself

Cause none of you are even worth it in the first place

Continue reading →

Users

All that glitters is used and mistreated

That is one of the noble truths of this world

If you have something special

Something that just occurs in you naturally

They will try to use you

And misguide you

For their own means

No matter what it does to you

Raw talent is commodity 

And is ready for exploitation

This is the reality

And it's sad and lonely

People are users

Anything more is just bi products

They use till death and that's the truth

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misanthropy and agony

And I find myself mad at God

For the existence of a thing like contradiction

How it's present in all men and women

For the fact that we aren't perfect

For the truth being so fucking ugly

And always right in front of our faces

For the existence of chemical imbalances

For such a flawed existence

For the fact that respect among men is only earned

When they can't best each other

For the reason I know this and little to no one around me does

Continue reading →

i think that the grip is slipping. people are starting to wake up on their own. people are really getting tired of the monotony of what you're told to do. we're so enslaved that we fall in line out of habit, when you ingrain the rule so deep in the subconscious that it feels bad to break it thats when you really got them snared. i think that after all these years though, the shackles are being shed and people are mutating, evolving into something else. no one is happy because there is something definitely wrong. the truth will out eventually, its just a matter of time. you can bury it deep in a ton of shit and it will take a while to dig it out, but the truth will outlive you and the truth will unearth itself eventually, and there will be hell to pay.

i see desperate souls everywhere i look. all these people that are just looking for some purpose but there really isn't much around, just table scraps here and there, and it gets annoying and you start crawling out of your skin. theres gotta be a reason to it all, when they know damn well there isn't. the line you've been waiting in for years is not the answer you are looking for. they told you it was, but they lied to you. im sorry, but its time to move on. you are free, you don't have to stand in this line anymore. there is nothing at the end of it, at least nothing thats of any value to it, and it wont make the waiting all worth it. you will feel cheated and used and angry because you wasted your whole life, and spent all the time that you had waiting with everyone else in the great line. step out of line. do your own thing. go the other way. it doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters. all that matters is that you find yourself your own little piece of happiness. in the end, its all dust anyway. so slow down, take time to taste the air and breathe a full lungs worth. thats whats important. you can breathe. you can take in a full lung of air and it feels really good. everything else is just essentials. 

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had a moment

they're quoting my lyrics now. i dunno, i guess you just feel like a nerd who sits in his room and fantasizes. you never actually think anything will come of it. then you see it, in plain black and white, right in front of your face. the message was received. they get it. they understand what you are trying to say. after not being understood for so long and having everything you say misconstrued and taken out of context you just start to lose faith that anyone will ever understand you, then you stumble on to a friend quoting your lyrics on his facebook page and he's referring to a girl he met recently. i dont even really know what to say about it. there's no words for once. its what i've always wanted really, to have an emotion identified, to share something that feels so personal and weird and unique that you think people would think you were crazy if you just blurted it out and told them, so you put it in a song cause thats the only way you can get it out cause when it sits inside you like that it just fucks you up. you can't even breathe right cause it sits in your chest. the song needs to get out and if it doesnt it just fucks up your day. it will not be pushed down. so, anyway, you write the song, you get the emotion out, the feeling of how you were feeling on that day, that time, that moment, and you hope you did it justice and put it down in art form the right way, you hope you got it right to transfer the feeling to a medium, and then you send it away and someone receives it, gets it right off the bat, feels the feeling, knows exactly the emotion you are feeling, feels it too, equates it to someone in his life and has that same feeling. that to me is fucking insane. you cannot pay me enough money to make me stop doing that. there isnt enough money or food or treasures in the world more beautiful than that. holy fuck i seriously am emotional over his. i never really thought about it like this. i never though "what if they get it." its a fault on my part cause i never prepared myself for how i would feel if they actually got it. i guess i always consider my words and my lyrics to fall on deaf ears cause it does for so many people. well, i guess i was wrong. they get it. its getting out there and these songs are potent and real. holy fuck is that heavy. 

Continue reading →

cucumber melon

take your sweet time

just be there for me

you're all that i have now

thats all i'll ever need

didn't notice the feeling

kinda feel into each others arms

ready or not

promise not to do each other harm

we are all before you

just be here with me

we all stand before you

just please believe in me

i put you out of my mind now

those thoughts don't do me any good

goddamn you're so perfect

i'd wait for you, you know i would

but i can feel you inside now

it slowly makes a space for you

why are you walking away

no one else can love you like i do

we are all before you

just be here with me

we all stand before you

just please believe in me

curves that could kill a man

amen

i don't have a reason for you to be in love with me

take your sweet time

just be there for me

we are all before you

just be here with me

we all stand before you

just please believe in me

curves that could kill a man

amen

i don't have a reason for you to be in love with me

Continue reading →

fall like love

only

if i had a way to get close to you

if i had something left to hold onto

maybe this wouldn't be so hard

im giving it all away

im trying my best to be patient

im doing what has to be done

but these feelings just wont stay down

and you're all around me

what do i have to do

anything you want me to

everything all for you

just let me be with you

i get so lonely it hurts to breathe in

i get so tired of them always leaving

im such a fool for you

i got it bad for you

im such a mess without this in my life

everything goes away

i wish that you would stay

theres such a hole in me

im so empty

what do i have to do

anything you want me to

everything all for you

just let me be with you

i get so lonely it hurts to breathe in

i get so tired of them always leaving

wherever you are

i need you now

more than i ever have

ever have

Continue reading →